memory lanes

My thoughts (though they often run wild), my actions, the way I react to certain situations in my daily life, and most importantly, REMINISING. I can't help it. I am still a human afterall. I know that HE will definitely get mad. Feel inferior. But whenever that dawns upon me, I just hope that I have amnesia. The most significant memory that was imprinted in me for a couple of years, surprisingly do not feel tormenting nor sore anymore. It isn't as raw as how I thought it was. This was something I wrote 2 years back: HERE.


It was indeed a long journey. For now, I just turn back and smile at myself.

I attended Mr Ridwan's father furneral. Well, it's not shocking on how short life is. But it's not stalled in us to slow down and spend more time with our loved ones. Comparing the fast pace of life we have in Singapore to other developing countries, we are way too far. How many of us actually take a step slower, look back and think about stuff?! I read a book that Siti compiled for me and I am so shocked of how much I've changed and I am starting to love myself a few years back cos' I feel that my softer side is more mature. But people all do change right?! I admit that I do not think about stuff anymore cos' I am too tired everyday. But I guess that's not an excuse right?!

Do not ask me the point of this post. I have no idea why I am typing this too. I am TOO RANDOM. Well, I admit that certain thoughts leave a scar there. A very deep scar. And I also admit that I fear that I will fall back to how it was in the first place. YES. I am afraid that by seeing some things, I will fall back. I do not need someone to blame me and leave me alone. Cos' at this point of time, with all the installed fear, I really do need someone who will be there for me and tell me and enlightened me and remind me constantly not to fall back. I feel like a kid but I do admit that I'm fragile when it all comes to these. Somtimes I wished that I was dead or rather I wish that someone was dead OR I wish I had amnesia. On a side note, scientists are researching on a pill that allow us to lose certain bad memories in our life. IF IT IS EVER SUCCESSFUL, I WILL BE THE ONE TO TAKE IT MAN!

It's not only me, but Jovanna is going through a hard time as well. It really suck when the person you love the most leaves you. Like for instance, she got over Calvin and Desmond entered her life shortly and things happen, and now, it's gone with the wind. I imagine me in her shoes, if Terence were to leave me after forgetting someone. I will DEFINITELY GO CRAZY. And feel that the whole world would be crashing on me. Poor girl. Give me a ring if you need anything okie? Even if it's for you to drown your sorrows, I will be there. ((: Best of luck.

-In life, what is meant to be yours, will forever be yours, it would not run away from you even if you have to wait for a few decades.