Bye for NOW

Well, It's gonna be exactly one day before I leave for my lovely Thailand trip. The long awaited day has finally arrived. Well, before I leave for my trip. I would like to place my mind at ease in saying some things.

There are things that I wanted to do before my trip and I am soooo glad that I fucking did fulfill them. Thanks to A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE!

• Carls' Junior A WHOLE LOAD THANKS TO MS BITCH, BABY AND IAN! (:





• Club Till I Drop And I seriously did CLUB TILL DROP. It seems like I have been going clubbing every single week since I started clubbing. eh, I CAN RAP? hahas. I bet Ben's eyes will be rolling while he's reading this! I went to Zouk Out. And I must say that it was FF. FUCKING FANTASTIC!





• Do a little catch up with Ms Siti Though time is like soooooo short but I managed to get there, have lunch and talk talk a bit! (:





• Go for PRCS 2006 Sec 1/7's Class Chalet Like dUh! I WAS THERE!

That's it I think. I think that I have accomplished everything that I wanted to do. Thanks for everything Mr Reuben.

Some pictures from cam-whoring. I will upload more after my trip!

ZOUK OUT~~~We were ALL FUCKING DRUNK AND WASTED!

-Till then people~ 18 days off. (:

i love you, truly

This post, is just for that special someone who recently entered my life. Yes, Indeed, this post is gonna be about him. And if anyone ask whether I am emo now, yes, I am indeed emo now.

To My dearest Mr Reuben Gan:

It's going to be like 4 more days before I fly off to Thailand.

Though I know it doesn't end here, I know I miss you.

It's amazing how things happen to us. Let's do a track back. We have been girlfriends for like 2 months? It just like THAT... that we become an item. Though we restricted ourselves and tell ourselves that things are simply impossible, it just happened at the right place and time. You were my shoulder to cry on when we were girlfriends, and I know you still are. You were my soulmate when we were girfriends, to a point whereby we can talk about anything. Heart to heart talks and I'm glad that we are still able to do that, even now that we are in a relationship. I am also glad that nothing changed. Thanks for pulling through with me for all those hard and depressing moments when you were my girlfriend, and, as well as, on the route to be my boyfriend. Though we are like soooo FRESH, but at the rate we are going, I am afraid. FEAR is what I face for myself. I miss you more each day. And I love you even more each day. Thank you for being so maganimous and thanks for sharing this particular phase of life together with me. As I said, you made me believe that such a wonderful person like you actually do exist. Thanks baby, I love you. (:

Let's just enjoy the moment alright? We have 4 more days.

- when love is a gun separating me from you.

MANY MANY UPDATES!

A long time since I blogged. Let's see, 3 highlights of the month. Actually 5 different highlights. One more coming up on the 30th. And on the 2nd of DEC!

1st highlight of the month was my bitch's bdae! which was on the 15th of Novemember.

What are the 2Rs? RANDOM & RETARDED!





Next was the rooftop ton-ing! It was many many shiok! FIRST TIME I WAS AT THE ROOFTOP! It was indeed scary. But very beautiful! Check it out!

Alright, while sitting there stoning, smoking, Just when I was in my PRIVATE MOMENT, this suddenly came by...

We were wrong from the start
Just like I predicted,
We can't go backwards,
Just at a point of no return

I snipped my blood vessels,
Just for you to see my pain,
I see my blood flowing,
Just to know my emotions run

As my fingers danced on the piano keys,

Bloody fingerprints stick to the piano keys,

For I know,

The last key of the piano is the end of us.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you how I felt but I guessed that it's too late.

MOS: Tertiary Fling 3! HARDCORE!!!

Before MOS:

From Left: Me, Reuben & Lewis

In MOS main arena:

In MOS Retro Room [54]:

Reuben is pimping!

Clara, Lewis and the DRUNKARD!

NAT!

Photos INSPIRED at MOS Stairway:

And a picture posted in whosgoing.sg.:

MOS NIGHT: Drink, DRANK, HIGH

MOMO NIGHT:








And yes indeed, he was wearing the shirt that I bought for him for his birthday! (:

When to Club Momo to see Sunsets at Dawn play and then Reuben, Gabrielle (Reuben's sis) , Randy( Gabrielle's bf) and I went to Thumper!

And I must say... me and baby were like GONE! I had my burben coke! I was ALMOST GONE! And when we were about to leave... One of the "bosses" of thumper made us a drink. FUCKING HELL! The entire glass was like all fucking hell NEAT. A mixture of turkey blah blah. And if he added some stout, i fucking swear that it would be graveyard. And YA WAD! He added some cranberry juice that was like only for the COLOURING! WTF?! I knew I could not take it any more as I was half wasted. Baby too. And baby said that it was his birthday the next day and that guy DIDN'T GIVE MERCY! He just forced the alcohol down baby's throat! ya wad! I had a few sips and I was like really GONE! My head was terribly heavy! I felt like vomitting but I didn't la! =) I then slept over at Baby's place till the next day, which was his birthday EVE! sweets. Baby accompanied me back to my place for me to wash up and stuff and then we headed off to town to meet up with the Pilokee Team to buy my Project 2's stuff!
YA WAD! HE RE-DO HIS LIP PIERCING AT MY PLACE!


After carrying loads of stuff from town back home, Baby and I went to my secret hideout. (: We went there to cross the clock. ( Reuben's 19th birthday)

He was NOT ALLOWED TO TURNED HIS BACK. (:

And after he turned, he got sooo emotional and cried! (: Sorry baby, I couldn't do much! (:

Went out for dinner with The Gan Family on Ben's bdae (: We met up at Vivo City's Swensens. Had dinner with Baby's mummy, daddy and Grabrielle. Was pretty fun though! Then we had our own time together!

Then we went to the Balcony. We went to find Randy, got a couple of drinks and stuff. (:
Which is for him? Which is for her? You decide! (:

And For the record, I am gonna blog about people I hate. Well, some readers actually wonder what was that for?
Let me EXPLAIN!

This was what the email stated:

" Clara, i heard from hadi..u told him abt 2 girl name..it was a long time back..it was when u with nicholas time..after u come back to me..i was true to u..i dun have to lie to u..i just want to come clean with u..i guess all u have for me now is hate..i dun blame you..yes at the beginning i didnot cherish u..it was my mistake..well this is my last letter to u..might as well say out everything..clara u changed a young boy into a man..u made me understanding lots of things that was happening around me..i just want to tell u that yes i was unfaithful once..but at the same time,we were having problems..looks like whatever i do now is just making you more angry..but i hope u look at this in a different point of view..we both made mistakes..yur mummy called me up..i chose to tell her everything..cause she is yur mother..and she cares and loves u..perhaps by doing that,i have made u hated me even more..and i admit it was a desperate attempt on my part..and i dun want you to wear a mask on your face with yur mummy..because u love her too..and i know the real you is not like that..i hope some day u would see things in my view..and that all i have done was with a good intention for your own good..and perhaps some day you will forgive me for doing this..during the past 1 year 6 months,we had lots of up and down..but it only made us stronger and wiser..sometimes i felt that there is something u wanted to share with me..to open up to me but something holds u back..or that u are scared of being hurt in return..i am not going to lie to u..that as time went by,i had fallen deeply in love with u..even with my other past girlfriends,or girls i flirted with..u are in fact my first true love someone who after losing the love breaks my heart the most..no other girl made me feel that way except you..you may not believe me..but i would never hurt u intentionally..i hope that u will forgive me one day..and allow me to be a friend some day,it may not be tomorrow,next week,next month,or even next year..but i do hope some day we could start over..and be friends first..at this moment,u might not believe me..but remember this alway,that u will alway be in my heart..whenever u need a person to talk too..or when u cannot sleep,i will be there for u..you are now a big girl..i pray some day u will take off the mask..and be yourself again..we have the same character..that is why we understand eachother..it is the fact..even after we have broken up..despite saying that i will leave u alone..that i will just be friend..but the truth is i was still fighting for u..fighting to have you..and despite saying i have given up..the truth is i have never given up..and i could never let u go..Sorry is not the right word..forgive me is not the right time..maybe in future, we will meet again..take care clara..and i will alway love you..wish u all the best in yur studies,with yur family,with yur new friends,and as much as this hurts to say it out,let alone to type it out,all the best to yur new love as well..i may have fallen..but i will come back stronger.. *ps - this is not a goodbye cause goodbye means the end of life. "

Happy reading it people? I must say this man! I soooo fucking hate people who turn and twist stories. FUCKING HELL!

The FIRST thing that pissed me off was... "yur mummy called me up..i chose to tell her everything..cause she is yur mother..and she cares and loves u..perhaps by doing that,i have made u hated me even more..and i admit it was a desperate attempt on my part..and i dun want you to wear a mask on your face with yur mummy..because u love her too..and i know the real you is not like that..i hope some day u would see things in my view..and that all i have done was with a good intention for your own good..and perhaps some day you will forgive me for doing this.."

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT FUCKING FOR?!?!?!

First thing first, I AM NOT MAD WITH WHAT YOU TOLD MY MUM ABOUT... Cos' practically, I tell her EVERYTHING. Who I am with and stuff.. blah, blah, blah. I ONLY LIED TO HER WHEN I AM FUCKING HELL WITH YOU. Cos' why? She fucking hell hates you! And maybe, on the other hand, I am placing a mask in front of her becos' of you? hahahas! I WEAR A MASK IN FRONT OF MY MUM? ohh please! SPARE ME YOUR PREACHES! She knows that I am fucking hell having a NEW BOYFRIEND and HE COMES OVER TO MY HOUSE FOR A DINNER WITH MY FAMILY EVERY WEEKEND! Then again, WHAT YOU DID WAS SUPPOSEDLY GOOD INTENTIONS FOR ME? YA WAD! You know what? I CAN'T CLUB, I CAN'T DRINK, I CAN'T DO THIS AND THAT. Those are called... RESTRICTIONS! And I tell you, all my guys after you, are all made known by my mum. Theirs status, their background, EVERYTHING! So, I don't see a reason why you need to tell my mum. So what if two-timed people or vice-versa? Do you so think that you can do a better job? With all your made known restrictions? OH YES! I SO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE BEEN SMOKING AND DRINKING AND CLUBBING when I am with Reuben and my frens! yea! I see.. You know what? I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED THAT I DID NOT SMOKE AT ALL WHEN I WAS IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU! And yes, I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED THAT I DID NOT DRINK WHEN I WAS FUCKING HELL IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU! CLUB? SORRY! I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO! And yes, I hear voices from my heart trying to tell me the reason why! WHY? Becos, "I AM IN ARMY AND I CANNOT LOOK AFTER YOU!"

FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND! ( Sorry baby, I don't mean literally fuck him okays (: )

And for heavensake, after all the stress and pressure that you gave me and my friends, I am sorry to say that I would not forgive you. (:

My welfare, My welfare, MY WELFARE!!!

I SO FUCKING HELL SEE THE FUCKING PICTURE!

You wanna know in what shit or should I say in what way makes a good boyfriend to me?

Let's see,

Relation

This is one aspect that I have a very very very heavy weightage on! Whether the person can see my views and know what I am doing, the reason for my actions and stuff. And he can just talk to me like that and stuff. He doesn't need to guess how I am feeling and he just knows it straight. This usually weighs a 60% out of 100% for my criteria. AND IMPORTANTLY, HE HAS TO BE FLEXIBLE WITH MY CHANGES!

And sadly, I must say that you fail to do so.

Possessiveness

This aspect makes 30% out of 100%. I want a boyfriend who can trust me in what I do and stuff. Someone who allows me to do things that I wanna do and believe that I CAN take care of myself. The amount of freedom that I am given and stuff.

And honestly, I think you failed in that too.

Cos' there is one thing that I can't forget what you said to my friends. " If I didn't allow her to go to her Poly Forum Chalet, things won't happen." WHAT THE FUCK? Things like my school stuff... I must go through YOUR PERMISSION before I CAN GO? what a joke! Not to forget my Thailand trip. YOU FORBIDDED ME TO GO!

AND NOT TO FORGET...

The 2 ladies I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT. Let's see...

"it was a long time back..it was when u with nicholas time..after u come back to me..i was true to u..i dun have to lie to u.."

Apparently, the world IS GOD DAMN SMALL! You know what? What I heard and what i remembered vividly were absolutely a whole different story!

I was back with you for a long time when I remembered that you smsed Ms Pamella.... something something GOOD NIGHT MY PRINCESS!!! AND I CLEARLY remembered that and I blew up at you! Well, so... what have you got to say? You even wanted to go to some girl's house. So.. what have you got to REALLY SAY NOW? And yes! I suddenly remembered you telling someone that I WAS TOO CONTROLLING OVER YOU! YA WAD!

YA! I SO FUCKING BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE TRUE TO ME!

But anyway, WHAT THE FUCK?! I DON'T CARE! Becos I am happily with one that fits my criteria NOW. (:

Well, FORGET IT LA! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT NOW. And I thank you for your well wishes and greetings. (:

One more thing, you ought to know how good your blood brother treats you yea? hahahas! You both are such laughing socks! And to think that he can stab you from the back and be sooo nice to you as well! I'll make it short and sweet.

BOTH OF YOU HAVE NO FREAKING RIGHT TO TEACH ME OR PREACH ON HOW I AM GONNA LIVE OR HOW I CHOOSE MY PATH. WITH WHOM AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN! (:

And yes, I now offically announced Mr Reuben Gan and Ms Clara Liew are together since 25th Nov 2006.

UT LATERS!

Love you Reuben! (:

Check this webbie out. It's good! =)

-My heart melts just by the way you look at me!

8 more freaking days to Thailand!