K.O-ed

I am over the bimbotic bitch issue right now. I just K.O-ed her on her face. Too much Johnny Walker and insufficient sleep is bad for health. Slept (Napped I think...) only for less an hour last night and went to suntec early in the morning. I had a hangover this morning. I feel like I'm floating now. CRAP! I have another 2 extra piercings! Stupid Vivian lah! But whatever lah! I am super happy! I got my right ear-top piercing. (I have no idea how to explain to you considering the fact that I am super sleepy...) So, I have 2 on my left, and 4 on my right. Leng Leng saw my top ear piercing and she immediately scream, "You better take it out now! Remove it!". But i was thinking, "Hell no! For all the pain I'm going through looking after the fresh piercing! No way! After all, I've been longing for this piercing for a long time. You only live once. Furthermore, it's not as if I will not remove them if I have a kid. AND... that's a LONG WAY to go. Who knows I am not going to get married. So, I will enjoy while I can" and it's still not out. I can't imagine what will happen if I have a tattoo! All hell will break lose and most probably, I won't have a place to stay in anymore. Okie, I sound like a typical problematic teenager now! No I am not! It's just the floating sensation kicking in. This is what happens when you are freaking troubled, and when you are running away from certain things I guess. You do things to make yourself happy because you feel no one cares anymore. But hell, I am used to it now.

I had my anixety attack again. Much thanks to Vivian, so cute lah she! Keep massaging my fingers and hands. Maybe that's another factor why I am tired and I feel like I'm floating. I still have to tutor tomorrow. Whatever it is, I am just here blogging, typing crap to let you know that I am still kicking and alive. I will be gone for a while till my new blog skin is ready! And I think I am K.O-ed now :)

Stupid, Bimbotic models!

Everyone says that the modelling industry is a very bitchy one. Indeed it is. Basicially, there are 2 different types of models. One is when they try too hard to imitate the ANTM's potential bitches, they open their mouths and blabber non-stop without thinking and think that they are some kind of big shots. The other type are the ones that act dumb and play smart. I am proud to say that I am the latter. There's something I would like everyone to learn, especially if you are in the modelling industry. ESPECIALLY, when you are a free lance model and you are new in the industry. I always advice my close friends who are in this industry (it's not about me being a big shot and giving my advices here and there but since I consider them as a friend, I think that they should learn how to protect themselves!)that being a model is very simple. When you are called for casting, just go, and if you are selected, do your best job and fuck off. You do not need to give yourself extra trouble by bitching about other models. Indeed, the industry is all about competition, the best one gets the most jobs, earn the most money, but when you bitch about people when no one actually did offend you, there goes your reputation. Come on, don't be dumb, are you living in some other planet besides earth that you do not know the difference between Singapore and other countries?! Singapore is damn god small. As what the late Suharto said (along the line), "Singapore is just a small dot on the map." How can it bloody hell be compared to a big country like yours?! CHINA. You can fly anywhere you want even if you are a model with a bad reputation. If you are in America, you can always fly to Boston to start anew! Where do you think you can go in Singapore?! You can fly from Pasir Ris to Jurong?! And from Jurong you wanna fly to Orchard?! Furthermore, no one offended you! Not to say America, or even China, your booker can always send an email with a picture of yours to other modelling agencies, and blacklist you, not to mention a small country like Singapore. I guess you are trying TOO HARD to outshine the rest?! Do you need to go to the extent of wearing a mask in front of me and your agent?! It only reflects upon YOURSELF and NO ONE ELSE. You are not in any position to comment whether my make up is thick, my photos are not nice etc. If you got the balls, oops, sorry, you've got no balls, maybe if you got the boobs, you can bloody hell bitch about me right in my face. Why not just admit that you are jealous and envious of me?! I know I produce presentable photoshoots in which no one has disagree that I look ugly so far. AND, as a matter of another fact, you even praise me of my good photoshoots. Furthermore, as a matter of another, another fact, I've received positive comments about my recent photoshoot, NONE NEGATIVE AT ALL. I know you are envious of me because I brought down friends whom I think have the potential to be models as well, and as a matter of fact, the FIRST person WHOM YOU THINK CAN MAKE IT AS A MODEL IS A TRANSEXUAL. I wouldn't be surprised that you have 2 balls hanging down there, in which, you dare not bitch about me right in front of my face, because as a booker, you failed in your very 1ST attempt in scouting models. Why do you even want to argue that you are freaking taller than me?! It doesn't makes sense isn't it?! You are 1.73m, I am 1.75m. Do you even have a problem with mathematics? Do you even have a problem telling which number is larger in which who is taller?! What does 2cm even matters to you when you have a height in doing a runway show, just like me? Eh, you know what bitch?! So what if my damn make up is thick!? Your make up isn't that good as well, Who are you to comment about me when those people who are casting me do not make any comments about it!? Who are you to comment when some of the professional make up artists who graduated cosmoprof whom I met actually did praise me and I do not receive any negative comments from them? Who are you to comment when your head so freaking big in which I do not think that you can squeeze it into a prositute's vagina!? You can give it a shot you know? Because my make up is thick, I CAN TONE IT DOWN. YOUR HEAD IS BIG, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! I know, I empathise with you okie!? :)

Fellow models or free lances, Singapore is a very small country, thus, it's modelling industy is SMALL as well. In some way or so, everyone that you meet is inter-linked. You do not bad mouth ANYONE because if you do, your reputation is at stake. You do not need to carry your agent's balls, sleep with anyone just to be a model. People will notice you if you have the potential. And if you really do have a passion in this industry, you should do what is best for you. Do not offend anyone, because if you do, life will be difficult for you in the future. Trust me. :)

Someone fed me a grumpy pill.

I'm stuck and I'm in my room alone, no lights with the sounds Madonna's La Isla Bonita and Enrique's Bailamo. So many things have been happening around me. Even though time seem to pass by fast, I think life for me either stop or it's travelling in a motion and I can't move on somehow. For no rhyme or reason, I have been feeling extremely grumpy lately. I guess I know the reason why. I guess I am really tired and drained from running away and for now, I am shutting up. I rather keep everything myself, shutting down in my own world. For the ever first time in my life, I am feeling so helpless.

I would like to thank all those good and bad friends I have, who have been listening to my cries, whines and paranoid worries. Vincent, Vivian and Cherie, you three are one of the best things that happen in my tertiary life so far, all the laughters and cries, I'm glad we were all there for each other. Siti, it's been years! Through our ups and downs, it's crazy, but I am glad you have been always there, till today. You are one of the best things that happen in my life, not so far, but I just know forever, as long as I live. Cause I am starting to believe in friends being forever. Thanks for being there and being my support of strength. :)

As for bad friends, I do not have a whole list. But just one. A bad friend is one that acts like one cares and be there for you but one day, you just realise that, that friend smirks at you when you are at the lowest point of your life. Suddenly, you realise that you have been a joke and you can't tolerate it. I do not need the whole world to be with me, but all I need is just one special friend there. So, losing you isn't a pinch to me, cos' HEY! I've got a bunch of close ones with me. Right now, you do not mean anything to me, but I just feel mad about you making MY LIFE sound like a joke to you. I do not need to brag about things that are not true. I am not like you. I really suggest that you do some soul searching before pointing your fingers because you were once like that wasn't you? Maybe, you are still like that now. There are certain things I am proud of in my life. I do not need to convince you that it happened or it's happening. I am grateful to you in some way, but I am sorry, I will take my leave before you do. Cos' I do not want things to go on anymore. Call me petty, blah blah blah, indeed I am, I admit it cos I choose withdraw away when I can't tolerate it.

For some reason, I am feeling very serene but I know there's a huge storm inside. I need some self reflections, especially since 1st of Jan 2007 started. I need to step back, I need to observe, I need to think. I need to find myself. Maybe I did for the past few weeks. I've learnt, I've grown. Somehow, I feel that I am not ready for him. Somehow, I feel like being this way. No, I don't, after typing that previous sentence, it felt like someone just punched me on my face saying that I'm faking it. I have no idea. It's neither here nor there.

Okie, whatever it is, I will hide in my shell for the time being. I guess I am feeling this cos' I neglected. Can someone give me the be-loved-or-pampered pill?

A bag of laughters

If you are pissed and down right now, just like me.

I recommend you searching for "Ms Swan" in youtube.

Trust me, it's an addiction.

The Long Post

I reckon that this post is gonna be quite long. I just painted another layer of top coat for my beautiful nails I did 3 days ago. I got to like really take care of them because I wouldn't want to re-paint it AGAIN.

Well, I had Chinese New Year reunion dinner at home this year. My family had like steamboat. Check out the abalone(s)!!! Leng Leng opened like 2 cans! And I swear not to take abalone for the time being. It's just too much!
I painted Cheryl's nails and I took them when she was sleeping.
Well we were waiting for dinner, we took some pictures lah! Pardon that fugly face of mine! :)
On the 1st day of new year, we went to mama's house!

Mama is getting old! She's 82 already!
We came back home and had a gathering at home!
On the 2nd day, I went to Terence's place and then to Aunt Chris place.

On the way to Uncle Steve's house:

I gave an excuse that I am going to die. So all my cousins had to take a picture with me.
Hui Mei (Sarah)
Samuel
Wen Sheng (Jason)
Sherlaine

Stanley
Nicholas
Ivan
And, Jeremy.

Well, I went head hunting with Vivian! *wide smile* But everything was in vain. It's OKIE!

At a glance, I bet Vivian's tongue grew longer overnight. We went to some Nepalese Restaurant and I think the manager was trying to flirt with Vivian. "I can see that you like it mixed..."

I know I look like some freaking old woman with that red lipstick. But, I LIKE.
A few days later, the Full time Buttocks and the Part time Buttocks decided to meet up. Poor Cherie waited for the Full time ones for like 2 to 3 hours lah!
The male buttocks had a difficult time cos' the Full time female buttocks threw food onto his plate when they couldn't finish it. I guess he went home doing more sit ups and skipping!
And as a whole,

For complimentary, I got to take a picture with Rachael, Cherie's girlfriend. I found it so hard to take a picture with her because Cherie actually threatened to wallop me up. Poor me!
On the 15th of Feb, the Full Time buttocks went to give out flyers at Suntec City. It was a hell of experience because we got chased wherever you go. It's just like Just Follow Law. You need to seek for approval from different management and it takes 3 working days! How irritating is that!But the Japanese Boys made it up for it! They were so funny! Here's the story:

Vivian and I were giving out flyers at the entrance of Food Republic at Suntec City Convention Centre when a group of Japanese guys(some with their eyebrows shaven, yaku.. something...) walked passed. They look so ignorant but I still gave them the flyers. A few mins later, they walked pass me, and they SURROUNDED me! And they said, "more-to, more-to..." showing sign gestures to have more of the food coupons! I then gave them the entire pile in my hand and they went off. And they started and kept saying, "beautiful..... thank you..... bye." And they couldn't stop waving bye as if they hand was controlled by someone else. Adrian then passed me another pile, so, I ran towards the group of Japanese guys and I passed it to them AGAIN! haha. And they were so amused and happy lah! Weirdos! They need so many food coupons for what?!

But whatever lah! I managed to clear the coupons anyway.

The shirt that makes me sleep:
I am so hungry! I might wanna order macs in which I didn't last night! Maybe order macs and watch some stupid drama series.

P.S: Singapore Airshow tmr! and on Sunday! And yes! Terence will be free after 24th! COUNTDOWN!

Hungry Clara makes a not happy one

AIYA! I wanted to blog and all. Uploaded pictures already somemore! DARN! But I am extremely hungry too blog that extremely long post. Furthermore, I want food! I think I wanna eat macs. Feel like ordering leh! But I scared Ah Pa come back later. ARGHS! I am currently addicted to that smelly Singapore Airshow T-Shirt and the song, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrance.

I THINK I WANNA ORDER MAC. NNNNNNOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!

SHOULD I?!

1998, 2002, 2008

Well, I'm tired from all that crying. What a day! Furthermore, it's Valentine's Day. I know, I won't have people giving me flowers.(It's been a long time since I receive flowers lah! I saw all the guys carrying flowers in the train when I was on the way home yesterday! SO PRETTY!!!) Freaking lonely lah! Vivian! Vincent! Cherie! Aiya, forget about Cherie! Cherie celebrating with girlfriend! I wanna watch movie lah! Aiya. whatever, that aside.

I was at the wake today, seeing Uncle Nghee off his last journey. I tried to fight it all back and tell myself that I am strong, though I am not close with him, but the memories are just too distinct. Making his own bird cages, looking at his diving collection, both of us feeding his birds, fixing up planes etc. Though he chose the wrong path in life, I know he is a good person inside- Everyone is. He loves children. Thinking what mama said beside coffin, still makes me wanna tear, she said this in Teochew, "Ah Nghee ar, you go up there, must be a good person, cannot be a bad person anymore, remember must be a good person, must protect all your silbings and me, this family..."

Aiya, He's gone already and we shall all move on with our life. Anyway, I found out that his cause of death is Lidopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Some lung thingy.

Alright, I think I am gonna catch some sleep. I am extremely tired.

He's gone

His entire body was yellow and filled with dark pigmentations. His head was tilted up, eyes were closed. His heartbeat stopped. Doctors and nurses fled into the room and they tried to revive him. Fortunately, he survived.

13 hours later, her phone rang. It was the doctor. It doesn't sound good. He was pronounced dead minutes later.

Rewinding 15 years back, those memories seem to be so distinct. Having him, guiding my hand with tweezers, picking up live worms, feeding those worms to the birds that he kept. That's the only memory I will keep of him. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not care if everyone have a bad memory of him. So what if he is a bad person? That is the one and only impression I will have of him.

For now, he's gone.

Finally, I surrender.

I hate it whenever my cell phone vibrates and I realise it's not you and that's when I get sprinkles of disappointment.

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For that same damn thing

Passing by Toh Guan Road brings back memories, it aches badly. Having to watch 2 shadows walking happily hand in hand. I tried fighting back those tears, but I can't. Then again, A is at the back of my mind. That excitement, the all time anticipation, finally arrived. Next week, I hope, really hope that I will get to see A for the first time in my life.

-I'll move on, I promise.

OLD FEELINGS

Well, I am so bored. I went for my CNY visiting last night and I managed to hear SOMETHING.

Well, I didn't know I made history after I graduate! My news was spreaded like WILDFIRE in the STAFF ROOM! Just because I broke up with someone! It's so fun and it got me so CURIOUS!!! So, I asked and knew the whole story. I was shocked and I didn't know that the relationship was that HIGH PROFILE!

Okie! I know I sound so bimbotic with the... "WHAO!" But it not that good lah! No wonder! No wonder that happen when I went to pick up my O level Certificate! HAHA. Well, WHATEVER! IT'S OVER!

Well, I am catching up with an old friend right now and I must say, I am so happy! Cos' talking to this friend is just like having an ego booster! (Instead of being labelled stupid all the time!) Maybe it's because we can connect. That's why we know each other inside out.

den i shall say.. meet my bimbo fren.. but shes smart,
mess arnd wit her and she bite u to death. i always find u mysterious

That means I am unpredictable! And Ms Siti always says that I am unpredictable!

Siti, I badly need some ego boosting too yea?! Remember to boost my ego when we talk in whatever way ya! Remember what you said, "It's okie for a woman to brag a little!"

I miss myself being that strong girl. Sasha told me this before, "Psychologically speaking, you got to think with your brain, NOT YOUR HEART. Cos' your brain is the one that always been making the logical decisions and thinkings."

And it's time to use MY BRAIN TO THINK, NOT ALLOWING MY HEART TO MELT AND DO THE THINKING.

*Valentine's Day? HAHA. It's nearing. I told every person I do not celebrate it cos I believe that everyday is valentine's day. I realised that I've been faking it! I NEVER celebrated it! SO, THIS YEAR, I WANNA CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY! So, I am free this Valentine's Day! Anyone can date me out! I shall see lah, who is it! :)

- Since, it has been declared officially that no one cares.

Love hurts: Narareth
Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Im young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when its hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not foolin me

I know it isnt true,
I know it isnt true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts
Ooh,ooh love hurts

I know it isnt true,
I know it isnt true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh...

Kill those grumpy spells lah!

Ms Siti found it hard to believe that I am an Introvert. So she told me a more accurate test would be Carl Jung's Personality test. TRUE ENOUGH, the results differ!!!

ESTP

Extroverted (E) 59.46% Introverted (I) 40.54%
Sensing (S) 54.29% Intuitive (N) 45.71%

Thinking (T) 53.85% Feeling (F) 46.15%

Perceiving (P) 62.86% Judging (J) 37.14%

I'm bored stiff... I haven't seen Terence for days. And that boy, to compensate that, he blew me off really badly last night.

I SHALL NOT ALLOW MY PRIDE TO SPILL OVER THE FLOOR ANYMORE!

CRAP!!!

Siti said that I am weird. Cos' it seems like I become a grumpy dwarf every CNY's eve. Chest pains again. Seems like an annual thing. Shit. It been 2 days. Till now, I am feeling freaking grouchy, grumpy, pissed, upset etc. CNY doesnt excites me. (Just like last year!) FUCK! I know why I am feeling like that. I know. But I shall not make it known. What for? As if he cares. So what if I understand? I have my limits too. It's too much for me to take. But so what?! As if he cares about my feelings, me. As if.

What will happen if I lead myself astray?! Will he change and be there for me?! As if... Okie. WHATEVER

BYELAHBYELAHBYELAH!!!

RANDOM POST

For now, Clara is feeling really grouchy. So many things but so little time, it doesn't make a difference lah! I always have poor time management. Thinking about FYP meetings sulks me. My 1st FYP meeting would be tomorrow. Moreover, I can't believe that my 2nd year just ended and I am proceeding into my 3rd year! And soon, after a year, I will graduate with a diploma and I will be working. It's scary, looking at how fast time passes.


Well, My Baby Kahlen crashed for the first time!!! Her harddisk and DVD drive crashed and they need replacement. HP is waiting for the parts to arrive. Most probably she will be back home after CNY. And for now, I am struggling with my old boy with a missing 's' on the keyboard. Thank god I can still type the letter 's' if not if would be like so weird! Imagine,


" For now, Clara is feeling really grouchy. o many thing but o little time, it doen't make a difference lah! "


Doesn't look like english does it?!


Again, speaking about Chinese New Year, my mummy and I just cleared all the pineapple tarts! We calculated and estimated that we made about 1ooo pieces of pineapple tarts. God! I can't imagine it! As for this year, my own family will be having our own reunion at home on new year's eve. A change after my grandma passed away in 2002. So now, everyone's coming on the 1st day of new year. Mummy invited only family members and close people for dinner. ( I hope Terence will be here! *cross fingers* )


Besides CNY, I guess, Vivian and I are having this thing called maternal instincts! We would see babies and we all go gaga. And Vincent would be there like, "Reminds me of... hmmm... Vaal..." HAHA! And we will probe into his thoughts and disturb him further! But like seriously, the babies are sooooooo CUTE! Maybe it's because of their innocence that's a stress reliever. But some kids are not cute. In hokkien, there is this phrase, "Bo nang yan" It's like the baby face is like not presentable, there's a sign, "Please hit my face" kinda face. Okie, I do not know what I am talking about. But whatever it is, I am ranting about god knows what.

Let's talk about a new found bitch named Sasha. I met her during the H.O.A fashion show and I only came to know about her being my secondary school senior only after a few times of chilling out. She's a critic, a 10 times bitcher bitch than me. I SWEAR! Vivian can prove it! But we both like her cos she is FUNNY.

You Are An ISTP

The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. In love, you tend to be very easy going and flexible.The only thing you can't stand for is someone trying to change you or your life. At work, you can stay completely calm under pressure. You handle stress well.You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete. How you see yourself: Logical, flexible, and unconventional When other people don't get you, they see you as: Indecisive, flippant, and disrespctful

What's" Your Personality Type?

For now, I am waiting for jobs to come in! COME TO ME QUICK COS I AM BORED STIFF.

I'm sorry if you find it a waste of time reading this post cos' it's REALLY RANDOM.