why can't i?

"Why can't i breathe whenever i think about you? Why can't i speak whenever i talk about you..." - Liz Phair

Why can't i see you when i just wanna have a glance at you? Why can't i see you when i get all my means to see you? - Clara

Guess everyone must be figuring out what the hack are those two lines up there for. Well, i was listening to Liz Phair's Why can't I. AND i just called my baby. He's preparing to go out when i'm prepared to go out to see him. I wanted to play a surprise act. but... i guess i can't. My plan was to take a cab down and thank goodness.. i'm all ready already. nvm. this means that i do not need to dress up later. (yes yes, call that, me, trying to look things in an optimistic side.) YES, And i guess the whole world doesn't know how much i miss him! AT LEAST, if i know he's in camp, he can't come out. But, for all i know, he's damn fucking outside! I guess no one knows those bloody fucking feelings and frustrations. Go On. say i'm mad! i'm crazy. that's it. YES I AM THAT CRAZY. I'M ALL FED UP! GET DOWN TO IT! I'M FUCKING MAD! ..................................
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YES. I'M DEFINITELY THAT UNREASONABLE. SCREW THE WHOLE BLOODY FUCKING WORLD! ........................................................................................................................................................
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YES! I'M OFFENDED! OFFENDED TO HOW THINGS HAVE BECOME! YES AS MUCH AS I SAY THAT I CAN WITHSTAND CRTICS... wahahahahaha. no more talk. PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN OLD FUCKING JEALOUS THAT THEY PLACE EVERYTHING AT ME! WHY? ASHAMED THAT U CAN'T HAVE TALENT LIKE ME? ASHAMED THAT I'VE A PRETTIER FACE? tsk tsk tsk. ......................................................................................................................................
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ok. i realised that my mood swings are getting terrible each day. there's really something wrong with me. self-control bitch!

Alright, first thing first, if "you" don't like my make up. DEAL WITH IT! SO WHAT if i have thick coats or mascara? SO WHAT IF I HAVE DARK EYELINERS? SO WHAT IF I PROJECT THAT ah-lian look with THAT make up? AT LEAST. I KNOW HOW TO MAKE UP UNLIKE YOU... WHO BROUGHT THE WOMAN SOCIETY DOWN! AND i'm not like you, MAKE UP ALSO SO PATCHY! that's the way i do things. and I DON'T SEE A FUCKING NEED TO CHANGE MYSELF, FOR WHO U WANT YOUR NIECE TO BE! get that straight! AND DON'T GO AROUND TELLING YOUR DAUGHTER NOT TO BE LIKE ME. YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER STICKING TO ME. TELL HER LA. DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. i tell u. you give me BAD LUCK WHENEVER U STAND BEHIND ME WHEN THE DECK OF CARDS ARE ON THE TABLE! simply a JINX! get that? u think i project that ah lian image? i tell u. you can jolly well go and give those REAL AH LIANS dirty looks down orchard road. I'M SORRY, DON'T GIVE ME THAT FUCKING LOOK CAUSE IF I DON'T LIKE IT. You ARE DEFINITELY stepping on MY TAIL! and there you go.. having to DEAL WITH MY ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOU. You don't like the way i'm brought up? You don't like how i behave, at least, my lil' monsters aren't like ure youngest son! KNOWING TO SCOLD VUGLAR LANGUAGES AT THE AGE OF 9! and i don't see my twins going around pushing and BELOVED cousins. it's practically like the pot calling the kettle black! tsk tsk tsk. your son is really a TROUBLE-MAKER. tsk tsk tsk. AND if... my lil' bro have any problems with his vision and if he is diagonsed with ANY FAULT of ure son's doings. YOU SHALL NOT BE FORGIVEN! oOps! i'm sorry. you WERE NEVER FORGIVEN! I really pity your daughter you know. Having not to experience fun at a ripe age of 16! and i guess, you not as open minded as you think u are. You are simply A CHEATER WHO CHEATS ON MONEY! HEE.. ( oOps! I'M SORRY. WHEN I GET ANGRY, WHEN YOU PISSED ME OFF, OLD, DARK AND DIRTY SECRETS slipped off my mouth. S$2K.. hahaha... that amt can be used to buy my fencing equipment slut!)

alright, since i'm so heat up now, i shall place down things THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN in the Year 2006.

• Don't try to change me. ENOUGH CHANGES I'VE MADE FOR ANYONE! (Don't like it? deal with it. cause, I AM ME!)
• Unable to meet Dickson when able to. ( Dear get it? Now i've placed my says, so... don't say i don't feel like seeing you at times. )
• Girls staying onto my guy. ( I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. this is me! DEAR, YES. I'M UNREASONABLE! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO. ANGEL OR IRENE. whether it is JANE MARY OR WHOEVER, FUCK OFF! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! GIRLS, BACK OFF, BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPEN!)
• No more sneak outs in the middle of the night. ( yes, no more! no more. enough. no more shit.)
• Clubbing alone. (Yes, it's been a long time since i go clubbing. and for the past recent times, if i didn't go out with my friends, or cousins, it would be me all alone. It would just be D & C co. if we go clubs. it's the same for D! I'm tired of hearing that you are going clubbing with your friends twice in a day.)

and i guess there's more to list soon till then. these are the mains! Dear, if you don't like it, I'M SORRY. This is me for who u need and MUST accept cause for the past few months. I've been acting and trying to be magnanimous which i'm not from inside and suffering from the bitterness. tsk tsk tsk. Oh ya, and if u happen to read this entry dear, please don't rake this up. I don't wanna explain or talk about it.

A Message From The Bitch Herself

Alright man, It's Chinese New Year Eve and to come to think of it, it's been a long long time since i blogged. Well, besides the hectic schedule, i've to admit that i've been pretty lazy lately. My life have been piled up with new cases in IMH, meeting my hubby, spending time at home. And after all these, you gotta have a lazy, tired and shagged clara every night. However, there are certain things that have been forcing it's way into my life and brain...

• critics

Just to let those people who practically love carrying critics (about people to me OR anyone that is gotta do with me..) that you are have wronged the right person. tsk tsk tsk. for your information, the bitch who wrote this entry is NOT GULLIBLE as you think she is. Yes yes, she definitely look so innocent. she look so goody goody. But don't you know that looks can be deceiving? wahahaha.. say what you want. YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. I GOT MY WAYS to find out FACT from FICTION! heard that? bastards and sluts... tsk tsk tsk. retribution is coming. what goes around comes around. KARMA. read that word. KARMA will come running to you.. tsk tsk tsk. till then. we'll see..

sometimes, things may not be what we want..

i read my friend's blog... this is what "that friend" said..


"hmm
If there is one thing i want to do, that is to snatch u away from him....
If there is one thing i want to do, that is to protect you from further harm caused by him....
If there is one thing i want to do, that is to elope with you to another peaceful world...
If there is one thing i want to do, that is to be with u eternally...
however, in the end you still chose him outta me....
If there is one last thing i want to do, that is to wish for the best for both of you..."

yes, thanks for accepting everything. i just wanna tell u that i'm fine and more than happy than ever. My baby is not like last time and i love hm more than ever. Thank you for feeling for me. =) Thanks for your well wishes..

hopes dashed..

damn. i really hate it... my hopes are dashed. just as i thought that my auntie's gonna help me with the payment. something came into the picture. it's just so demoralising. it's ok. i've to think of something else i guess. we'll see..

no one will know how i feel. nothing will replace this agony inside...

nothing at all

well, i just had supper. and that's the lil' toy dearie had... look at it. aren't it cute. alright, i'm feeling a lil' bit mad... i guess... well, i guess i'll blog another time. too much i can take. maybe i guess, certain things are better left unsaid.

To that person: no matter what happens... i AM ME. dun try to change me. i'm not the person you think i am. CAUSE.. IF U THINK I AM LIKE THAT. i'm afraid to say that u MIGHT HAD REGRETTED your decision. maybe someone else is better... making u jealous? i don't see a need to. cause what i have now is basically pure friends. whether you like it a not. FACE THE FACT. YOUR GIRLFRIEND GETS ALONG WITH GUYS BETTER THAN GIRLS! IF YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS, i won't do it this way. and i WOULD NOT BE SO BO LIAO to do so. And it's AIN'T MY STYLE!

And the actual thing... it's this!! LOL

what is it?!?!

What's white and can talk? here are some clues...

clue no. 1

clue no. 2

clue no. 3

the oldies reunion

I just got the right time to blog eversince four days ago. Let's track back. On the 3rd of Jan, i went over to darling's place early in the morning. and i mean it. EARY IN THE MORNING. Not forgetting that i woke Siti up from her beauty sleep. I went home at about 7.40am. and went to meet Kim at the 70 bus stop to fetch her. Went home. Made Breakfast, and went gyming. After that i went to Bedok HQ. errmm.. nono.. i went NEAR THERE.. to meet the crew. Slack at dear's home and went home.. Dad's reaction was so funny when he saw Kim. "Kim? i think i can recall." and he brought in Nick.. and i told him straight. I AM NOT WITH NICK. haiz. that old fella just don't get it straight. this has been like the 3rd time he asked? Wad a thing to remember. And, at last, he got it into his head that i've a NEW boyfriend. LOL. but... the person must not be revealed to my family YET.... (long story..) and i guess they'll only know about it when i turn 21. 21. and one year later, we'll just proceed as planned. yeah, yeah, and if u guys are reading this, yes yes.. i've already plan my years ahead.

Yesterday was a tiring day. I didn't sleep well the night before. I was woken up by my darling. He woke me up and i realised that i was freaking interview. And my mum started ranting here and there. That really got me frustrated! I just dun get it why she can't understand. but then again, why i can't understand her worries as a parent. and then again, i've to say, "mum, i'm okay. don't worry about me. and if u really must know, I'm all grown up and u dun have to worry cause u got a very good "future son-in-law" who actually take cares of me well too.. and u'll actually know how safe i am as long as u know who caring and protective he is. all u need to do is to accept him.." i know.. i'm digressing here.. ANYWAYZ... I rushed out of the house without my make up. Fuck it. I started ranting to Dear and only to find out that my hp battery was almost FLAT. And we talked something about image. Yes. Yes. We approached the same subject the night before. And whatever it is. i guess, the third, fourth and fifth earhole are coming soon. On the other hand, naval will be on hold till i'm 21 (For certain reasons). I then went to ngee ann city to put on my make up AFTER my interview. By the way, my interview went well. i guess, i can't get a job by the end of next week. A proper one. Newayz, i went around in circles waiting for Kim to arrive.. thinking about image, I'm actually used to people looking at me from head to toe. Whether i look like a slut, a bitch (i am one! LOL), whore, i don't care. As long as i have people who knows me inside. My image will be there. It's normal having people staring at you in the late morning when u walk down the streets of bugis. AND not forgetting.. cutting off anyone who have not complete his sentence, " Can I have your.. " LOL. "Sorry, I'm NOT AVAILABLE.." Kim finally arrived, and bingo. We head the malls! We went to Billy Bombers to COMPLETE THE ACT. haizz.. that COUPLE. Place themselves in such a miserable position. haiz.. poorthing. Kimmi is gonna KILL ME FOR THIS! We went to the movies.. "The family stone" and i went to buy something for darling. and darling if ya reading this, here's a lil' clue....

• IT can talk
• IT s white in colour

muhahaha... go on guessing! I bought a cake from swensen's for mummy's bdae. She was real happy i guess. And i told her. My FRIENDS send their regards.. and she was like "who?who are they?" and i was like.. "Di.... errmmm.. Kim and the rest, farah, ruyun.. " LOL. that was almost a give away!! anyway, speaking about reunion... the HCBVC (high class bitch varsity club) should have a gathering soon. and that's if we have the money for shopping! Well, plans for tomorrow...

• go for another interview in the morning
• go for PRCS SEC 1 camp meeting
• meet dear and pass him the present! muhahahaha!

till the next time, tata.

the reunion of the oldies. this has been going on since 1998.. and i guess it'll still continue..

wassup man? watcha staring aT?

LOL. i guess it's just too dark?

flash again.. that bitch... she needs a WHACKING!

At billy bombers.. ah ya... told kimmi liao.. don't put flash. see la. i look like a doll!

after own make up session @ ngee ann city!

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In the state of shock

Well, i'm done with my blog. and i must say, it's finally working PROPERLY. i'm still in a state of shock to what happen this early morning. My thoughts and feelings are all inside. i'll not express how i feel or should i say i would not breathe a word about it till the clouds clear.