Kiss Goodbye

BABY bu yao zai ku qi
zhe yi mu dou me shou xi
jin wo zhe ni de shou bi ci dou she bu de fen li
mei yi ci xiang kai kou
dan bu ru bao chi an jing
gei wo yi fen zhong zhuan xin hao hao xin
shang ni de mei

xing fu da pei bei shang
tong shi zai wo xin jiao cha
cuo zhe de yan lei bu neng ce shi ai de zhong liang
fu chu de ai shou bu hui
hai qian ni de wo bu neng gei
bie ba wo xin ye dai zou qu gen sui

mei yi ci he ni fen kai
shen shen de bei ni da bai
mei yi ci fang qi ni de
wen rou tong ku nan yi shi huai
mei yi ci he ni fen kai
mei yi ci KISS YOU GOODBYE
ai qing de zi wei ci ke wo zhong yu zui ming bai

xing fu da pei bei shang
tong shi zai wo xin jiao cha
cuo zhe de yan lei bu neng ce shi ai de zhong liang
fu chu de ai shou bu hui
hai qian ni de wo bu neng gei
wo cai ming bai ai zui zhen shi de zi wei

mei yi ci he ni fen kai
shen shen de bei ni da bai
mei yi ci fang qi ni de
wen rou tong ku nan yi shi huai
mei yi ci he ni fen kai
mei yi ci KISS YOU GOODBYE
ai qing de zi wei ci ke wo zhong yu zui ming bai

Yes, this song is about separation. It's a damn emo song la. hahas. Reminds me of...

-confused
-stressed
-and i do not need anything now

scratched @ 12.58am

The Devil

Well, I got loads to update right?

My birthday, went on quite well, thanks Ms Siti and Daddy. Thank you. I really appreciated it. It was a Whooo Haa! (:

And now, I am in no mood for anything. I just feel that my stress level has just rised! goody! More about that in the later posts. AFTER, my poor baby is being repaired! For now, all the doctors are analysing the condition, and she will undergo an operation in a few days time. (:

Well, Poly Forum finally ended, BUT,
it does not mean that everything IS DONE! ( more updates in later posts)

Well, I learnt a lot of things from Poly Forum. Though I had many late nights, I got to know more friends and I got to have a chance to understand some people deep down inside, vice versa.

Pictures will be up soon I guess!

And yes, I watched a movie!


GOOD GOOD!

3 out of 5 thumb-ys! hahas

A GREAT MOVIE EXPERIENCE! (:

p.s: my baby is back. but not fully configured! (:

scratched @ 12.09am

THE BITCH

BITCH SEASON IS BACK!

hahahahahahahahahahahas!

My life is SCREWED! and I'm gonna make it even more SCREWED! And Yes...

My Core Values WILL CHANGE!

EVERYTHING CHANGES!

fienish and selfish! (:

scratched @ 5.15pm

DAMNED!

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

MY BABY TOTALLY CRASHED!

MIA now!

scratched @ 5.31pm

gone

Okays, I'll be gone for a few days.

Little update:

- My 18th bdare went quite well.
- My Baby Lappy CRASHED!: Re-formatting it on the 22nd
- Poly Forum Camp from 17th to 21st. (Downtown East): Want to find me, give me a call (:
- Resume blogging on the 22nd.
- Will missed 1st day of school (21st) and maybe the 22nd too! (Because re-formatting my baby!)

scratched @ 1.11am

satisfaction

Well, after all that struggles, finally, everything is OVER. My schedule is less busy now. I THINK. For now. And finally, I'm feeling tired now that everything is OVER. Can you believe it? How crazy the past few weeks had been? We stayed in school from the late morning to late night! Can you imagine how fulfilling everything have been?

I talked about people coming in and going out of our lives. Yes. Indeed, I'm typing this and I'm feeling all emotional. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! I HATE BEING LIKE THIS! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

People come and go in our lives, what we can do is to treasure every single moment with them, and if they are really gone, at least we know that they entered our lives once, touch our lives once, and they will remain in the chapters of our lives as memories.

Well, Ms Siti had a little debate. Well, I am saying this in the sense of short- term friendships. Just like Poly Forum, everyone is from a different school. And within a weeks. weeks. And I really mean weeks. For like 4 weeks, I dare to claim that we are very close now. Just like a family. I am looking through all the photos now and yes, I'm not feeling too good. Friends like this are rare to come by.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

YES! I AM CURSING!

Well, whatever it is. take a look at this link : poly forum pictures. Take a good look at them. Story Telling session at Bishan NLB and Sengkang NLB and not to forget sub team 4 training.

It's hard to explain. I am glad to have friends like that. We been through thick and thin. Firing sessions, Screwing sessions, and basically, working hard as a team to meet the deadlines. And now that most of our projects are done which we are only left with the literature research segment. I feel sad. It's simply amazing! I mean, you only thought that we do things in a professional way: meeting, set aside personal stuff, and then go home.
But, it's different. Somehow, I feel that we created a huge bond. Laughters, anger etc.

And you are aware that you are just here for poly forum. Bond with your fellow mates and that's it. But it became more than you expected. It's hard. And I am sort of regretting that I did not have that mentality that all these could just be part of my memory. Knowing that you are together JUST TO WORK ON THE PROJECT.

Well, I guess that is the reality of the working world. More Dreams, High Expectations! Higher Expectations, just to hit them, you roam around for the BEST, and while doing so, you meet loads of people. Some get along with you. Some do not. But all these are memories.

I'll miss the cast of our great story SWEET DREAMS.
I'll never forget...

Nat's rhymes in the story lines cum the director of sweet dreams!
Audrey's drama-ness that makes me laugh! She is ONE i'll NEVER FORGET especially on the first meeting that I join the team!
Shuang Er's dao-ness, magazines and nail polishes!
Canni's granny's smile and spects!
George's jokes and small talks!
The other George's FATNESS! "mummy mummy, can I have that gingerbread man?"
Siew Huey's "hehehehehehehehe" (Witch's laughters)
Michelle's innocent face! (:
The righteous Saddiq. The religious one too!

Not forgetting my smoking kakis, Canni and George Abraham. Canni and Nats' debate during our dinners or lunches and everyone will chip in and the whole team seem like we were debating.

I still remembered the first time I met the team early in the morning! At The Forum's Mac. I was perspirating, and George A. said, "I can see all your colours coming out!"
And I turned and look at Audrey, we looked at each other for a few seconds. And the next thing we knew. We were waving our hands in front of each other's face and screaming. And the whole team just went... WHAT THE HELL!

haha. funny!

Whatever it is, I looking forward for the 18th. Poly Forum Chalet! Don't think chalet okays! Must work leh!

Till then! (:

Scratched @ 12.39am

.wishes.

It's like 1.10am. I have the sudden erge of blogging. Maybe to pour out what I am going through.

If I have a wider scope of my life, sometimes I wonder, why am I going through all this? Though I believe that your destiny lies in your hands, the future is the consequence of your present or past. But sometimes, I wonder why is all these have to happen to a 17 year old kid. If this what I really want? Am I fated to be mould this way so that I can grow up? To think that I was sooo enthusatic about turning 18. I dun think so now. So what if it's only 4 days away? Cause, it seems nothing to me now. I feel like I am floating here and there. I'm not on earth.

At the age of 4, I thought I had a happy family.
At 5, I saw what man and woman really are,
When they are in love, when they have fights,
At 9, I still hold that hope of a happy family.
The birth of the addition to the family,
makes no difference.
At 12, I start to acknowledge the fact that some things that I really want is out of my reach.
Once again, I held the hope again at the age of 14.
Nothing worked.

At the age of 16, I diverted my attention.
I wished for the right guy.
And at the age of 17, it came true.
But coming 18, I am soooo sure that he is the one.
If he is the one, why do we have so many ups and downs?
If he is the one, why do I feel so stranded?
And if he is the one, why do other matters affects us?
Isn't a relationship about only him and her?

Turning 17, perceptions of true friends change.
I never believe in true friends.
As the old saying says, "the closest to you is the one who have the higher risk of turning their backs on you.."
But only that one adult change that perception.
Her actions convinced me that true friends do exist.
But why do friendships get so complicated?

I feel blessed sometimes.
Most teens don't get to go through this.
On the other hand, it gets tiring. Draining.

Someone used to ask, "what is life to you?"
I said, " Life is something special. We live here for a reason. What we have tmr is the cause of today and yesterday. Whether we want to live life to the fullest, it's up to us. Our own destiny is in my own hands. I make the choice on how I want my life to be like. Life... we have to live it the fullest. So that we are happy. That is all I need."

I got early presents from some of my friendsfor my birthday. Maybe I feel that my Thailand trip is just made for me. Break. Break.Break.

I do not want anything for my birthday anymore. Gifts are only the surface level that make me happy. I am not a religious person. But for now...
God, I only wish a few things to change in my life. And I really hope that you will make it happen. I wish for my mum to have a good life. Please take all her sufferings. For my two little ones, a healthy environment to grow and learn. For my love, for him to go back to school and I know he really wants it. Please do not get any harm to him. I know deep inside, he is fragile. For my friend whom I love dearly, please continue guiding her along. Her working life have been a rough ride. As for myself, thank you for giving me that trait of being so cheerful always no matter what happens in my life. I just wish for more strength to carry on in life. Please fulfill all these. Those would be the BEST birthday present I could wish for. (:

scratched @ 1.47am

Soundtrack Of Our Lives

Indeed a day to remember.

24th August 2006: The day I will never forget- the last few hours with W15F!

I woke up late because I was so dead damn tired after countless sleepless nights. err... not countless actually! (:I woke up at 12pm and I relised that I was FUCKING LATE! I was supposed to meet the rest at 1230pm at Punggol MRT station. I took a cab to Ashlee's place as they said that they will be waiting at Ashlee's place. I met up with Shawn, Shahriah, Jenny, Stella, Lucinda, Chu Yun, Diana, Wandi, Xyndee, Fei Fei, Ashlee and Shu Hui. And obviously, you can see her stone in front of the camera with Lancer. Shawn's dad came to picked, us up (Shawn, Wandi, Lucinda and I). The rest went by Faci, Ms Grace Leong's car and by a cab. We went to check in. And I must say that I love the place! Look soooo like OVERSEAS! JUst because what? It is a RESORT! Well, as a cam-whore myself, I won't miss a chance to... ...
CAM-WHORE!
Afer doing a check whether anything was missing, Wandi went to reserve his room first!
And in the girl's room... they were all doing the preparations for the start of the PARTY!

Stella then offered me fishballs on a plate ( chalet's plate which looks all dirty) And she said that she washed the plate and when I asked her what she washed it with...
"I washed it with tap water and my hands la. Then I pat it dry with tissue paper."
Wah lau! What the fuck! You tell me you washed the plate without detergent already bad enough leh! Now u tell me with YOUR HANDS! Wah lau! I want to puke already! When I was on the way out with Shahirah, Wandi and Shawn. I threw the fucking fishball in the drain! LOLs. I know: I AM MEAN! butss... I CAN'T HELP IT!

Yups. We went to the arcarde to play cars. I know. Why the sudden interest right? Well, that is because, the influence of Too Fast, Too Furious: Tokyo Drift and Need For Speed! Then, we met Dinee and Sabita. How cool is that? I make a good photographer right? Ya la. We did not let both of them in the resort as there was only one backgate opened. After that, we went to buy strings to tie up the balloons so that the place would be decorated. Then we were all thristy so we bought drinks la... see.. our collection.
In the making... Wandi and I then started the fire for the BBQ. OMG! It was really hard work man! ya. DUMB i know. but.... WHATEVER~

And poor Kelvin injured his hand. Why? Because he Kay Kiang. He went to do a slam dunk! hahas.
Then they played truth or dare with Ms Grace Leong.
And here, we presented Ms Grace Leong with her title, Ms Drama Queen!
And after she left, we started playing the sabo-ing game.
Everyone is given a tag on their forehead. We are not supposed to act out or say out the words that is written on the tag. And in the end... everyone got saboed!
Ms Loh was the one that we were the most gentle towards...
Then after that, we watched the W15F's video. Done by Ms Siti and me!
And we gave out the sashes and the little black book.
Everyone then showered after the prize giving.
After that, Daddy Dickson came. And we drank Vodlka Absolut! With Kelvin, Asyraf and Wei Lun!
hahas!
Wei Lun got high, Asyraf too. Kelvin still the best! We drank till about 5 plus in the morning. Some peeps went to watch the sunrise, some slept, but me? I ended up slacking around la! The moment Wandi woke up, we went to have our morning smoke and then we went to clean up the area while the rest were sleeping...
And here, I present to you the girl who snores! hahas. Funny isn't it?
And all the peeps who were sleeping? hahas.
Ohh ya... imagine Ms Ashlee pasting this in the living room... outside the bedrooms.. blah blah blah!!! OMG! Thank god there's the BBQ area!
When we were almost ready to check out, the caretaker came to do her rounds. And I must say... She is...

ONE OF THOSE FUCKED UP PEOPLE i see in my life!!!

*points middle finger*

Wanna see who that fucking chee bye is?
There! Her picture.

SO... lets see.. Here's the story...
When Shawn, Wandi, Lucinda, Shahriah and I checked in. We all checked for all the utensils and stuff. And the thing is that. We were not asked to check for BATHROOM MATS!
That bloody chee bye went to the rooms and found that BATHROOM TOWELS were on the floor and being used as a BATHROOM MAT!
With that, she decided to press charges against us for mis-using the BATHROOM TOWELS. We argued and then I realised that Shawn's dad DID NOT sign the check-in paper. Apparently, one of the staff said that IT WAS FINE NOT TO SIGN THAT PIECE OF PAPER. Because it COULD BE SIGNED ON THE DAY OF CHECK OUT. AND...

APPARENTLY,

there is this statement written on that piece of paper.

"I hereby abide the rules that the organisation reserves the rights to press any charges of any mis-use or missing items.. blah blah blah.."

So.. I told Shawn that if that WOMAN insisted on signing that piece of paper, fine, we will have it her way, BUT
Shawn has to write down the DATE AND TIME that he placed his signature on.

*points middle finger*

And at that point of time, I was so fucking annoyed, that I KNEW THAT I WAS HAVING A BITCH FIT!

So.. I told that WOMAN... "FINE THEN, IN THE FIRST PLACE, MY FRIEND DID NOT SIGN IN BLACK AND WHITE THAT YOU GUYS RESERVE EVERY RIGHT TO PRESS ANY CHARGES, AND ACCORDING TO MY FRIEND, ONE OF YOUR STAFF SAID THAT IT WAS OKAY FOR NOT SIGNING IT AND IT CAN BE SIGNED ON THE DAY OF CHECK OUT, THEREFORE, IT AIN'T ANY OF OUR FAULT THAT WE DIDNT GET THAT SIGNED AND YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO CHARGE US CAUSE WE DID NOT SIGN THAT IN BLACK AND WHITE."

And you know what her reply was? "err.. no.. but this is our management policies."

I almost said... "fuck you chee bye, you never hear what i said just now ar?"
But I decided to do things in a MORE HIGH CLASS WAY.

"In that case, I don't see any use in talking about this to you, cause it won't lead me anywhere. Can I please speak about this issue with your manager in charge?" I replied. [In that assertive yet kuai lan tone la.]

"sure sure, he's at the reception." she said.

AND when I was about to enter the reception, Shawn said that he was the one who booked the room so he wants to deal with it. With that, I respected his decision. As much as I am reluctant cause I was soooooo passionate to FIGHT IT ALL OUT. FINE THEN. [Shawn, you owe me this, for making a poor bitch's fit hanging my the edge of the tongue. My bdae coming. BIG MEAL ON YOU! THIS WED].

Alright, we saw the manager and FUCKED UP! HE IS EVEN MORE FUCKED UP COMPARED TO HIS WORKER!

*points middle finger*

He asked us, "So, the bathroom towel was on the floor, so you used the bathroom towel, so if there isn't any bathroom towel on the floor, I assume you will use another cloth like the bedsheet?"

OMG! Based on what I've learnt in Cognitive Processes and Problem Solving 1. This is neither a valid nor a sound statement!

*points middle finger*

Let's talk about humans's nature.
If I see a cloth on the floor and you DO NOT KNOW what the cloth is for. There isn't any message saying that it is a bathroom towel. What will I think it is? A cloth for the FLOOR RIGHT?!?!?!
And if I knew that it is a bathroom towel which is on the floor, I'll picked it up and tell everyone right? And if there isn't ANY TOWELS, WHO WOULD BE SOOOO FUCKING DUMB TO USE THE BEDSHEET. Please! Don't talk about justification with REPUBLIC POLY STUDENTS. Cause, we learn A LOT of justifications. EVERYDAY somemore!

*points middle finger*

What is my issue? My issue here again is...
First thing first, you have NO RIGHTS to press any charges against us.
WHY?
Because, we DID NOT sign that check in paper in BLACK AND WHITE.
If you asked why and it is OUR FAULT to get it NOT SIGNED.
Please, FUCK OFF. AND... if i am your fucking manager, I'll dump ALL THE RULES AND REGULATIONS to you guys and ask you guys to read it AT HOME! STUDY THEM! Because, it is not our fault that we DID NOT sign the papers, PLEASE QUESTION YOUR STAFF WHY THEY ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! TO SIGN A CHECK IN PAPER UPON CHECK OUT! It's like you are soooo bloody hungry and then you forgot where your mouth is and you shove the food up your asshole!

Pua chee bye!

Second thing, It seems that people who are working in the reception OR at that place has NO COW SENSE! They argue for the sake of arguing even though they know that they are in the losing end. And apparently,
THEY DON'T VALUE CUSTOMER SERVICE! But then again, WHAT IS A FUCKING RECEPTION FOR?

*points middle finger*

I HOPE THE WHOLE SINGAPORE OR WHOLE WORLD SEES THIS. AND PLEASE, Don't bother arguing with people who flash you a REPUBLIC POLY CARD. Or rather, should I say, take note for...
Liew Yan Jin Clara.
Once you see this name, PLEASE DONT BOTHER TO ARGUE WITH HER!

p.s-too many pictures to upload la, check out dinee's blog. she have everything there! finally this post is up! This post might be a little bit funny. But... ... no choice la! It is frame in a way that I wanna upload the pictures. =X
scratched @ 2.14am

tickled

I have that strong erge to blog right now. I'm physically and mentally tired.

AND... I'm ALL FULL OF EMOTIONS right now.

Mixed feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment, sadness, reluctance and sooo on...
WHY?

Let's see... I'll blog about this once the pictures are uploaded IN A WEBSITE.

Just a little snippnet of that upcoming post,

Hopefully, by tomorrow or monday? (:

Just a key to that upcoming entry,

People come and go in our lives, what we can do is to treasure every single moment with them, and if they are really gone, at least we know that they entered our lives once, touch our lives once, and they will remain in the chapters of our lives as memories.

scratched @ 10.58pm

Close To My Heart

Well, before I blog about something that is closed to my heart, Let me make this announcement! My lover boy scored the 4th goal in the 31st minute against San Marino. Absolutely awesome! But can't be compared to Ashlee's lover boy who scored 5 goals!

WAN-SUI!!!

And of course, not forgetting the biggest victory margin in the history of European Championship qualifiers.

AND... AGAIN! NOT FORGETTING!!! Another victory in which my lover boy captained Germany to a 1-0 win over Republic of Ireland in Stuttgart.

whoooooooo!!!!!!!! WAN SUI ar! (: happy happy happy.

As I said, I'm too busy attending meetings and loads more stuff la. But I still got a little time to squeeze in a movie on the 2nd of September! I know, How busy can I get? hahas. VERY BUSY! I'm stress to that level till I can't even sleep okays. And I had to feed on pills that make me drowsy so that I can sleep! How weird is that? I bet... What I am going through is DEFINITELY worse that the O levels. [ Because I didn't study during O levels mah! =X]

The Devil Wears Prada is an awesome movie man! One movie that I can relate to!

Best! Rated 4 out of 5 by Claralicious.

*Thumbs up*

Alright, The Storyline is about Miranda Priestly who is the head of Runway magazine, who has sporting silvery hair, a vast collection of fur coats, an encyclopedic knowledge of all things fashionable, and a killer smile. Miranda is full of wicked charm, with her mature beauty and commanding presence, Miranda is as fascinating to watch as she is intimidating to the constant rotation of assistants thrown her way. And when Northwestern graduate Andy Sachs interviews to become Miranda’s newest lackey, Miranda hires her not for her lackluster wardrobe but for her intellect. Inside the pristine Runway offices, Andy suffers through a never-ending list of impossible tasks, and is the subject of constant harassment by Miranda’s jealous first assistant, Emily Blunt. But to the dismay of Andy's boyfriend, Adrian Grenier and close friends, Andy slowly finds herself seduced by the glamorous world of fashion, and by Miranda herself. While Andy’s transformation comes largely in the form of new designer clothing, the makeover is mental as well.

That is a rough conclusion of the show by Golden Village[ i did some edits here and there la. Well, Basically, this girl, Andy, she is an intellectual girl. She didn't know anything about FASHION! Ohh man! She is practically those girls who know nuts about fashion. Oops.. Did I just repeat that? okays... And she was employed because Marinda decided to take a risk because she is intellectual. There was something in Andy that attracted Marinda. Marinda then gave Andy loads of impossible stuff to do. For example, getting an unreleased book of the latest Harry Potter Book for her twins. And damn, Marinda always says that she is such a disappointing assistant. However, in some way or so, Andy eventually outran Marinda's first assistant, Emily. Andy then got a chance to go to Paris with Marinda. And during this process, Andy actually neglected her boyfriend, Adrian. And not forgetting Marinda who also neglected her family as well.
Everyone around Andy just drifted away from her. Just because they feel that she had change. A person who does not like fashion, to a person who carries Chanel, Gucci, Christian Dior, Guess, Prada etc. Not forgetting a person who loves her boyfriend so much and to a person who values her work more than anyone else. And she had a fling when she broke up with her boyfriend.

What it is gotta do with me? How? You guys wonder. No one knows about this. But only those who have been through this route with me. Baby Dickson and Ms Siti. Those are the only two I can only think of. I remembered at that time, Ms Siti wasn't really close with me la. But my Baby knew about it because he was in this with me.

I know... I gonna bore you guys with this... but if you guess feel like closing this window, you guys can go ahead! (:

I clearly remember that it was this month last year... eh... nono! okays. this is getting weird and scary! The day that started everything was this very day, last year!

*points middle finger*

Ohh man.. I think no one understands. okays. My baby had a major fight this day, last year. We had a cold war. And I clearly rememebered that today is the day when all my bitches and friends celebrated my bdae with me at White Sands' Mac[2nd level]. And my baby walked past with his friends. He saw me and he did not say hi. At that moment, I almost broke down. We had a total cold war. We didn't contact one another till the 22nd of September. Can't help it la. We got our egos la. Not forgetting, he was also with one of my best friends who i knew for 5 years. (In a relationship) I clearly remember that I was hoping for a bdae wish from him. And I told myself that, that wish determines whether this relationship would end or continue. Well, readers, you guys think that he did wish me right? That is because we are together right?

However, UNFORTUNATELY, HE DIDN'T.

How did we end up being together again?

This is where the movie, The Devil Wears Prada comes in, in relation to my life.
From the 15th of September 2005 to 22nd September 2005. I pulled through strongly. I knew I will stay strong. Telling myself that I'll definitely find a better guy. During that period, I prepared the separation gift.- A box filled with 163 straw hearts (the number of days we were together), the first picture we took at Tampines' S11, a letter, and a CD (a complilation that I did for the songs that we both... err.. sing together and etc.)

I was soooo determined that I want a break up and I have set mind mind into it. We met up together with the old group. We TRIED to sort things out. But we didn't eventually. Why? Just one reason: MAN'S EGO! We broke up. And out of rage, I threw the whole damn bloody box away, into a bin in front of him. My bitches were shocked. And I remembered one of them said that it was all hard work. And I had to threw it away. I was crying all the way home. I think the taxi driver think I siao. hahas. Then Ms Siti... aiya, that's another story la. =X

I pulled through misery till the 15th October. The other side of me came alive.
What is the other side? I became like Wandi. hahas. GOTHIC. SADISTIC. I then met my primary school friend. Nicholas Grabriel Chan Hai Long, at that point of time, I went into that relationship right after my baby broke up with my best friend. Just a split second! Really, JUST A SPLIT SECOND. Dickson called me, "I broke up with Flavia already. "

hahas. And course, I didn't patch back with him. I was so called in love with that primary school friend. I wasn't sure whether it was love. Maybe it was just companionship la. After O levels, I started to find jobs. I went for a job interview at IL FIORE RESTAURANT AND BAR. My big boss, Angie was exactly like Marinda. She is an independent woman, demanding, yet kind. She didn't have a good marriage either. She is a single parent. As her waitress, I was pushed over to the limits. She expects tip top service etc. I saw life in a wider scope. I saw the reality of life there. I learnt a lot. And I knew that I became stronger as a person. Through all these, I dare say that I was more mature compared to how I was. And because of this, I believe I do not need anyone. And I withdraw away from my social circle. The only friends I had were my fellow waitress, chefs and Angie. That is when everyone said that I changed as a person. A person who eats, sleeps and work. I was too engrossed with my work. People didn't like me. That is because I started smoking for the 3rd time. I drank till I was drunk at the work place. I totally became a slut. That is where the devil arose. But deep inside, I know that I was NOT A BAD PERSON. And to me, if people can't accept my change, fuck it. People say that I AM A SLUT. FUCK IT. So what if my sense of dressing changes? At least I know that I survived under my own rice bowl. I may get drunk after drinking half litre of vodlka absolute (neat) with my friend. But who cares? As long as I know that I don't sleep with other man. At least I know I still stick by my own principles. WHO CARES?

Till today, that me still exist. I used to be that girl who can't do without a man, without friends. But now, I can do without a man, without THAT LARGE circle of friends I used to have. My baby USED TO believe that I need to be tame and he always say that it seems that I can do without him. But I'm glad that he have learn to accept this new me.
Bottomline, If people can't accept your change, FUCK IT. At this stage, people grow. There isn't such thing as you fall because you are weak. THE FACT IS: The moment you pick yourself up from that fall, you learn a lesson either on the surface or behind the curtains, and when you learn that lesson, you grow to become a stronger person. Behind every change, there is a reason to it. (:

I'm sastified with today's entry. Though a little bit lengthy, but I'm glad that I'm able to share this here.
And with this, I shall make this promise here, with all my readers as my witness,

I, Clara Liew Yan Jin hereby promise Dickson Liaw Da Soon, that I will put that specific bad memory behind. Though it has been a year, and the past still haunts we both. We will definitely look forward to what we have. Just like friendship, I promised that I won't be there FOREVER, but I promised that I will be there whenever and wherever I can.

Why that phrase?
Just like friendship, I promised that I won't be there FOREVER, but I promised that I will be there whenever and wherever I can.

That is because, I NEVER believe that things last forever. If you made that promise.. FOREVER, and if the person needs you there, and you have to attend to unforeseen circumstances, and you can't be there for that person, isn't that breaking your promise? Because you gave your word, FOREVER.

Good topic to debate about. But what matters now is my poly forum performance at Bishan later. (:

P.S: 7 more days to my big day! (:

scratched @ 1.30am

woebegone

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down
When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be
Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad
When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see
When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world
When a man loves a woman.....

This is the song i've been listening to. Percy Sledge's When A Man Loves A Woman.

Well, some things are meant to stay this way. As much as it seems that my love life is going sooo smoothly, I can't help it but start having wild thoughts now.

THEY ARE ALL BACK NOW...

So many questions that are to myself are yet to be answered.

Maybe what Siti said was right that faithful night. Will I just withdraw? Will I?

I still can't figure out.

Will things change? Will history repeat itself? Will the future still be the same as we expect? Am I afraid? Will I change? Will you change? Will I still see what I'm seeing now?

Yups, I know I can't help it. I know. I worry too much. It's just basically one reason. I love him too much.

Every second that he is not with me, my heart bleds, my head spins, I stare unknowingly in front of the laptop and tear.

I feel and I know I'll be the ONE back in Sept 2005. The one who is inexorable, anesthetized, comatosed and most importantly,

NUMB

Ever ask why? Well, that's because I want to be prepared for the worst, so that if it meant to happen, I will be prepared, and just move on and tell myself, "It's okays". Bottomline, the impact would not be that hard. (:

Dickson's Sun Conjunct Clara's Moon:

You are naturally attracted to each other and felt a rapport, a "click" when you met for the first time. You instinctively understand the other on deep, subconscious levels and may feel protective toward one another.

Clara's Sun Sextile Dickson's Mercury:

You listen to each other, hear what the other is saying and understand one another. You encourage each others' self-expression because you enjoy one another's ideas.

Dickson's Sun Square Clara's Venus:

Because your egos need to be loved, but because you are unable to express it directly, you can do so through gifts, praise and compliments and, in essence, "buy" each other's love. This is a too-much-of-a-good-thing aspect as it tends to overdo and overindulge out of a need for love.

Clara's Sun Conjunct Dickson's Mars:

There is a powerful attraction between the two of you. You feel very strongly about each other and about yourselves when you are together. This is a "me first" aspect. You bring out the competitive side in one another. This can manifest as a strong sexual tension and excitement between you.

Clara's Sun Sextile Dickson's Saturn:

You have a mutual respect and trust for each other. You take each other seriously and act maturely together. You each assume your responsibilities in the relationship without any sense of burden or restriction.

Clara's Sun Square Dickson's Uranus:

You trigger each other's rebellion and self-will. Sparks fly the minute either of you feels restricted. You bring out the unexpected and eccentric in the other. This is not a boring relationship.

Dickson's Sun Sextile Clara's Neptune:

You inspire each other to be your highest and best, to see the good in every situation, and to go for your dreams. You each feel that the other is special and that you are blessed to be together. You have a spiritual bond with each other.

Clara's Sun Square Dickson's Neptune:

You each seem too good to be true to the other. You do not see each other clearly because you want to believe the dream rather than reality. You can put the other in a bubble on a pedestal to be worshipped and adored. This can leave you open to deception and disappointment.

Dickson's Sun Conjunct Clara's Pluto:

Yours is a very powerful bond in which both of you want to be in control This is based on the belief that control equals survival. This makes you both very intense and gives an all-or-nothing tone to the relationship. You want to be in control of yourselves and each other. In truth, you are controlled by the need to be in control. Your psychic attunement with each other is very strong.

Dickson's Sun Trine Clara's N. Node:

Your creative energies combine well and assist you to both express your highest and best.

Clara's Sun Sextile Dickson's Asc.:

You get along well and give each other room to express yourselves

This is a wonderful indicator of a long-lasting relationship and it will help to bring more stability, dedication and maturity to you both. You will find that together your life becomes more secure as you put your focus will on responsibilities and practical issues. This is sure to forge a very strong bond between you which will help you form a peaceful and content relationship rather than one based on jet-setting or living high on the hog. Be careful that after a period of time you do not take each other for granted even though yours is a very comfortable relationship.Your relationship will enable you to learn a great deal about yourselves. You will probably prefer peace and quiet to any other form of lifestyle. There will not be much experimentation and digging deeper into your psyches here and you will be more reserved in the way you express your feelings for each other. Even though people may see you as somewhat cool, calm and collected toward each other, they will not understand that you do not need constant verbal reassurances to remind you of what you already feel on a very deep level.In time you will find that when the chips are down and the going gets tough, that you can always count on each other, because loyalty, friendship and reliability are positive and nurturing aspects of your life together. When it comes to the hum-drum art of daily living, taking care of work and the responsibilities you have to each other, this is the energy you want to see you through. And you have it!

Well, how true? (: I wonder whether I should be laughing or crying.

If you are reading this, have some thought yeah? (:

To HIM:

Thanks for today. I appreciate it. If you did cared, you wouldn't fault what I told you on THAT TUESDAY NIGHT. (:

Apparently, I yet to complete some admin stuff for my poly forum. Please do come down and support H5N1! The event will be held this Friday and Saturday.

Friday's event

Venue: Bishan Library, Programme Zone, Level 2

Time: 2pm

Saturday's event

Venue: Sengkang Library, Children's activity room

Time: 12.30pm

Aim: To create awareness to young children about Obesity, which is yet to be considered as a Global Health Threat by WHO.

Audience for the event: Children aged between 7 to 12 years old. (Bring down your sis and bros if you have one!)

IT IS FREE!

It's already the 6th. It's just 9 more days to MY DAY!

scratched @ 1.21am

BLAME EVERYONE!

Yes, Because of my busy schedule, I've not been blogging for nuts.
Yes, I AM IN SCHOOL NOW!
AND YES! I'VE NOOOOOOOO HOLIDAYS!

FUCK IT!

Poly Forum 2006 is driving me nuts!

Kanchanaburi's Expedition is coming AND there will be DEFINNITELY MORE PLANS COMING UP!

And I say...

I CAN HARDLY BREATHE!!!

scratched @ 7.42pm