A past.

It's 4am. I CAN'T SLEEP AGAIN! I think I should see a doctor regarding this sleeping disorder of mine. It's indeed a miracle that I am drowning myself with coffee and I am watching the Germany vs England match. I wonder whether I can make it for school later. Forget it, I don't think I am sleeping.

Well, KIM and I went over to Siti's place to surprise her! Full details in the next entry! Some pictures and video!

I had a catch up session with Siti and KIM. Well, we touched on a pretty touchy subject which made me think and reminise of a past. A past of me.

In the past, when I was 17 years old, I was full of energy. (I am not saying that I am a dead woman now!) As in, I am an Independent woman. I do not give a hack about whoever looks at me. I am a strong individual and I know what I want. Most importantly, I WAS FIRM. And I know that my decision is always right and I am supportive of my own decision and I will stand by it even if the whole world disagrees with me.

For now, I am the opposite of it. I care too much about what other people think about me, their perceptions. I care too much about how people think about me. And I am not firm. I am very fickle-minded now. Totally the opposite.

Somehow, I feel that I lost myself and I longed to be my past. I somehow feel that I failed myself.

Siti told me something which I find that it was extremely meaningful.
"I find that it's a privilege for me to be there when you are grouchy, having a bitch fit etc. Let's put it in a general term, no matter what r/s u have with that person, everyone can share your happy moments, but only the chosen ones will get to share your hard times. So, it's a privilege to be the chosen one because that shows that you are comfortable with the person."

Well, But we agreed that not everyone can think like us.

-Fool.