I'm stuck and I'm in my room alone, no lights with the sounds Madonna's La Isla Bonita and Enrique's Bailamo. So many things have been happening around me. Even though time seem to pass by fast, I think life for me either stop or it's travelling in a motion and I can't move on somehow. For no rhyme or reason, I have been feeling extremely grumpy lately. I guess I know the reason why. I guess I am really tired and drained from running away and for now, I am shutting up. I rather keep everything myself, shutting down in my own world. For the ever first time in my life, I am feeling so helpless.
I would like to thank all those good and bad friends I have, who have been listening to my cries, whines and paranoid worries. Vincent, Vivian and Cherie, you three are one of the best things that happen in my tertiary life so far, all the laughters and cries, I'm glad we were all there for each other. Siti, it's been years! Through our ups and downs, it's crazy, but I am glad you have been always there, till today. You are one of the best things that happen in my life, not so far, but I just know forever, as long as I live. Cause I am starting to believe in friends being forever. Thanks for being there and being my support of strength. :)
As for bad friends, I do not have a whole list. But just one. A bad friend is one that acts like one cares and be there for you but one day, you just realise that, that friend smirks at you when you are at the lowest point of your life. Suddenly, you realise that you have been a joke and you can't tolerate it. I do not need the whole world to be with me, but all I need is just one special friend there. So, losing you isn't a pinch to me, cos' HEY! I've got a bunch of close ones with me. Right now, you do not mean anything to me, but I just feel mad about you making MY LIFE sound like a joke to you. I do not need to brag about things that are not true. I am not like you. I really suggest that you do some soul searching before pointing your fingers because you were once like that wasn't you? Maybe, you are still like that now. There are certain things I am proud of in my life. I do not need to convince you that it happened or it's happening. I am grateful to you in some way, but I am sorry, I will take my leave before you do. Cos' I do not want things to go on anymore. Call me petty, blah blah blah, indeed I am, I admit it cos I choose withdraw away when I can't tolerate it.
For some reason, I am feeling very serene but I know there's a huge storm inside. I need some self reflections, especially since 1st of Jan 2007 started. I need to step back, I need to observe, I need to think. I need to find myself. Maybe I did for the past few weeks. I've learnt, I've grown. Somehow, I feel that I am not ready for him. Somehow, I feel like being this way. No, I don't, after typing that previous sentence, it felt like someone just punched me on my face saying that I'm faking it. I have no idea. It's neither here nor there.
Okie, whatever it is, I will hide in my shell for the time being. I guess I am feeling this cos' I neglected. Can someone give me the be-loved-or-pampered pill?
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2 comments:
ARTICLE REVIEW
Firstly, I like this entry NOT because it has my name in it.. I like this entry because its sincere and genuine and one can definately feel what the writer is trying to convey especially the concept of withdrawal.. A showcase of thoughts, maturity and self-reflection thats identifiable.. The book-world should watch out for her coz this gal has talent.. That is if she managed to get "the pill".. KUDOS!!
P/S: Of course, i also like the entry because my name is in it!! :))
Yes Siti, You have always say that I have talent in writing huh!? That depends whether I have the RIGHT PILL.
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