hmmm...

Well, while waiting for Terence to contact me. I decided to blog la. Well, thinking back at 2006, it was indeed a huge ride especially the last half of the year. It isn't a proud or honourable thing to say that I had quite a number of guys that entered and exited my life. I had loads of decisions to make and I was utterly confused too. Well, there was one situation I was in and I am soooo happy that I managed to get out of it. Thanks Ben!

I broke up with my ex-bf who I was with for 1 and a half years just because of this guy, X. Well, X was there with me through my up and downs. He understood what I went through because we were in handling a project together. Little did I know that he had a gf, Y. Y and I were friends. I thought that things and feelings will eventually fade away after the entire project is over. However, it did not happen. Both of us tried, but we were unable to do so. We started going out etc. But weekends were reserved for Y. However, at times, I would meet X up after he meets Y for a drink and stuff. We started to talk about things from Y and life and I came to realise that I had no guilt at all. No guilt that I am the third party of X and Y's r/s. I felt so cold, so cruel especially whenever I met Y. X told me that it was okie and he was just there to make things right. Things started to get out of hand when I felt for him more. I told him that he should be honest with me even if he's out with her cos' I have the right to know cos' we were in it together but on the other hand, I do not have the right to stop X and Y to go out together because I was THE 3RD PARTY. My ex-bf I was with, was also pursuing me back, that gave me so much stress, he was manipulating the situation of the love triangle I was in. On the other hand, I came to know a close girlfriend, Reuben. He was the closest friend I could ever talk and be with. We have that chemistry and we clicked. We could talk about anything under the sun and naturally, I poured my sorrows to him as I could hardly breathe. We went clubbing, drinking and we had loads of fun. I got to know his circle of friends and I was happy but not really happy though, cos' at the back of my mind, I kept thinking of X and Y. I could not let him go but Reuben kept talking and advicing me and finally, I had the courage to let X go. And I guess in some way or so, I guess X blamed me in being "unfaithful" etc. X promised that he will be there for me, he promised that he will abide to everything I asks for. Knowing that, I was so tempted to ask him to leave Y but I never did ask because I feel that if he really wants to leave her, he would. There is no reason for me to tell him what to do if he really loves me and he wasn't there when I needed him the most. However, on one occasion, I finally saw him through, I could remembered the exact words he said or rather he shouted at me, "I do not want to make a sacrifice of either one, I had been in this same situation before and I regretted it, I do not want to regret again!" he threw the cigarette butt on the floor and he walked away. What he said made me think and up to today, I was glad that I was able to let him go.

Why this story now?! LOLS.

I am in Y's shoes, but not exactly in Y's shoes. I am indirectly in Y's shoes for years. I do not reveal my private life, those stuff that I do not want to reveal. But I must say something, knowing that someone has someone though he or she is attached does not only affect the 2 parties that shared a r/s but it also affects the people around these 2 parties, especially if they are married.

Some may argue in different perspectives. But everyone's to blame.

EVERYONE.