.wishes.

It's like 1.10am. I have the sudden erge of blogging. Maybe to pour out what I am going through.

If I have a wider scope of my life, sometimes I wonder, why am I going through all this? Though I believe that your destiny lies in your hands, the future is the consequence of your present or past. But sometimes, I wonder why is all these have to happen to a 17 year old kid. If this what I really want? Am I fated to be mould this way so that I can grow up? To think that I was sooo enthusatic about turning 18. I dun think so now. So what if it's only 4 days away? Cause, it seems nothing to me now. I feel like I am floating here and there. I'm not on earth.

At the age of 4, I thought I had a happy family.
At 5, I saw what man and woman really are,
When they are in love, when they have fights,
At 9, I still hold that hope of a happy family.
The birth of the addition to the family,
makes no difference.
At 12, I start to acknowledge the fact that some things that I really want is out of my reach.
Once again, I held the hope again at the age of 14.
Nothing worked.

At the age of 16, I diverted my attention.
I wished for the right guy.
And at the age of 17, it came true.
But coming 18, I am soooo sure that he is the one.
If he is the one, why do we have so many ups and downs?
If he is the one, why do I feel so stranded?
And if he is the one, why do other matters affects us?
Isn't a relationship about only him and her?

Turning 17, perceptions of true friends change.
I never believe in true friends.
As the old saying says, "the closest to you is the one who have the higher risk of turning their backs on you.."
But only that one adult change that perception.
Her actions convinced me that true friends do exist.
But why do friendships get so complicated?

I feel blessed sometimes.
Most teens don't get to go through this.
On the other hand, it gets tiring. Draining.

Someone used to ask, "what is life to you?"
I said, " Life is something special. We live here for a reason. What we have tmr is the cause of today and yesterday. Whether we want to live life to the fullest, it's up to us. Our own destiny is in my own hands. I make the choice on how I want my life to be like. Life... we have to live it the fullest. So that we are happy. That is all I need."

I got early presents from some of my friendsfor my birthday. Maybe I feel that my Thailand trip is just made for me. Break. Break.Break.

I do not want anything for my birthday anymore. Gifts are only the surface level that make me happy. I am not a religious person. But for now...
God, I only wish a few things to change in my life. And I really hope that you will make it happen. I wish for my mum to have a good life. Please take all her sufferings. For my two little ones, a healthy environment to grow and learn. For my love, for him to go back to school and I know he really wants it. Please do not get any harm to him. I know deep inside, he is fragile. For my friend whom I love dearly, please continue guiding her along. Her working life have been a rough ride. As for myself, thank you for giving me that trait of being so cheerful always no matter what happens in my life. I just wish for more strength to carry on in life. Please fulfill all these. Those would be the BEST birthday present I could wish for. (:

scratched @ 1.47am