why can't i?

"Why can't i breathe whenever i think about you? Why can't i speak whenever i talk about you..." - Liz Phair

Why can't i see you when i just wanna have a glance at you? Why can't i see you when i get all my means to see you? - Clara

Guess everyone must be figuring out what the hack are those two lines up there for. Well, i was listening to Liz Phair's Why can't I. AND i just called my baby. He's preparing to go out when i'm prepared to go out to see him. I wanted to play a surprise act. but... i guess i can't. My plan was to take a cab down and thank goodness.. i'm all ready already. nvm. this means that i do not need to dress up later. (yes yes, call that, me, trying to look things in an optimistic side.) YES, And i guess the whole world doesn't know how much i miss him! AT LEAST, if i know he's in camp, he can't come out. But, for all i know, he's damn fucking outside! I guess no one knows those bloody fucking feelings and frustrations. Go On. say i'm mad! i'm crazy. that's it. YES I AM THAT CRAZY. I'M ALL FED UP! GET DOWN TO IT! I'M FUCKING MAD! ..................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
YES. I'M DEFINITELY THAT UNREASONABLE. SCREW THE WHOLE BLOODY FUCKING WORLD! ........................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
YES! I'M OFFENDED! OFFENDED TO HOW THINGS HAVE BECOME! YES AS MUCH AS I SAY THAT I CAN WITHSTAND CRTICS... wahahahahaha. no more talk. PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN OLD FUCKING JEALOUS THAT THEY PLACE EVERYTHING AT ME! WHY? ASHAMED THAT U CAN'T HAVE TALENT LIKE ME? ASHAMED THAT I'VE A PRETTIER FACE? tsk tsk tsk. ......................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................................
ok. i realised that my mood swings are getting terrible each day. there's really something wrong with me. self-control bitch!

Alright, first thing first, if "you" don't like my make up. DEAL WITH IT! SO WHAT if i have thick coats or mascara? SO WHAT IF I HAVE DARK EYELINERS? SO WHAT IF I PROJECT THAT ah-lian look with THAT make up? AT LEAST. I KNOW HOW TO MAKE UP UNLIKE YOU... WHO BROUGHT THE WOMAN SOCIETY DOWN! AND i'm not like you, MAKE UP ALSO SO PATCHY! that's the way i do things. and I DON'T SEE A FUCKING NEED TO CHANGE MYSELF, FOR WHO U WANT YOUR NIECE TO BE! get that straight! AND DON'T GO AROUND TELLING YOUR DAUGHTER NOT TO BE LIKE ME. YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER STICKING TO ME. TELL HER LA. DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. i tell u. you give me BAD LUCK WHENEVER U STAND BEHIND ME WHEN THE DECK OF CARDS ARE ON THE TABLE! simply a JINX! get that? u think i project that ah lian image? i tell u. you can jolly well go and give those REAL AH LIANS dirty looks down orchard road. I'M SORRY, DON'T GIVE ME THAT FUCKING LOOK CAUSE IF I DON'T LIKE IT. You ARE DEFINITELY stepping on MY TAIL! and there you go.. having to DEAL WITH MY ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOU. You don't like the way i'm brought up? You don't like how i behave, at least, my lil' monsters aren't like ure youngest son! KNOWING TO SCOLD VUGLAR LANGUAGES AT THE AGE OF 9! and i don't see my twins going around pushing and BELOVED cousins. it's practically like the pot calling the kettle black! tsk tsk tsk. your son is really a TROUBLE-MAKER. tsk tsk tsk. AND if... my lil' bro have any problems with his vision and if he is diagonsed with ANY FAULT of ure son's doings. YOU SHALL NOT BE FORGIVEN! oOps! i'm sorry. you WERE NEVER FORGIVEN! I really pity your daughter you know. Having not to experience fun at a ripe age of 16! and i guess, you not as open minded as you think u are. You are simply A CHEATER WHO CHEATS ON MONEY! HEE.. ( oOps! I'M SORRY. WHEN I GET ANGRY, WHEN YOU PISSED ME OFF, OLD, DARK AND DIRTY SECRETS slipped off my mouth. S$2K.. hahaha... that amt can be used to buy my fencing equipment slut!)

alright, since i'm so heat up now, i shall place down things THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN in the Year 2006.

• Don't try to change me. ENOUGH CHANGES I'VE MADE FOR ANYONE! (Don't like it? deal with it. cause, I AM ME!)
• Unable to meet Dickson when able to. ( Dear get it? Now i've placed my says, so... don't say i don't feel like seeing you at times. )
• Girls staying onto my guy. ( I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. this is me! DEAR, YES. I'M UNREASONABLE! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO. ANGEL OR IRENE. whether it is JANE MARY OR WHOEVER, FUCK OFF! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! GIRLS, BACK OFF, BEFORE SOMETHING HAPPEN!)
• No more sneak outs in the middle of the night. ( yes, no more! no more. enough. no more shit.)
• Clubbing alone. (Yes, it's been a long time since i go clubbing. and for the past recent times, if i didn't go out with my friends, or cousins, it would be me all alone. It would just be D & C co. if we go clubs. it's the same for D! I'm tired of hearing that you are going clubbing with your friends twice in a day.)

and i guess there's more to list soon till then. these are the mains! Dear, if you don't like it, I'M SORRY. This is me for who u need and MUST accept cause for the past few months. I've been acting and trying to be magnanimous which i'm not from inside and suffering from the bitterness. tsk tsk tsk. Oh ya, and if u happen to read this entry dear, please don't rake this up. I don't wanna explain or talk about it.