Forging strength from weakness

Alright, after a long time, I managed to get my ass here. And start to blog. Well, everyone started asking and questioning about those emotional posts. For now, I just have to say that I am still going on fine. It's been a rough ride for the past month. Yes. Finally, I have the courage to say that: Terence and I are not together anymore. It's been a difficult period. Till now, but I know I am getting better right now. And I promise that the random-ness will get back yea? Even after changing blogskin, (cos' I am still WAITING VERY PATIENTLY FOR SOMEONE TO GET MY BLOGSKIN DONE..) I kinda realised that some things remain the same which kinda sucks big time. It's like, it's been quite a while after someone was with you, and then when you try to get rid of certain things, or when you try to get back on track, it's so difficult. Cos' memories kill. I will have a closure like how I always do right in this blog. I will when I am ready, emotionally stable. :)

Well, after that faithful day, the other two princesses (who were the first to know about this) suggested for an outing with ICE CREAM. And of all places, THE CATHY.
There were more photos, but I guess this would be enough. Cos' the rest are just too, weird to be up here. Cos' Siti can't stop snapping despite how I was feeling.

I went to Sentosa together with the other princess few weeks back.

Nothing much to update. Read her post to find out more: CLICK HERE




Well, I also realised that Kevin Ban, who is one of my colleague at MC.Models: is one of the princesses' childhood friend from church! WHAT A SMALL WORLD!!!


Well, during this period of time, someone has been helping me out, going out with me, making sure that I am okie. Liasing with my 2 princesses, to make sure I do not fall back to ground zero. Many thanks to you!
The above picture: Small Bully said that some singaporeans will be damn weird and irritating to take a picture of a person who is wearing an army uniform and a girl who is standing beside him, listening to songs together via mp3 and accuse the poor guy of an offense: An act of affection in public. So, I said that I would be that irritating and dumb singaporean and post it in my blog.


Well, besides having great friends during the day time, I have a bunch of nice people at night too. Especially when I do not want to stay at home, facing 4 walls, and those memories kept keep pumping in. Plus, I can't sleep at all! So, I rather go out. Some people will actually say that "having this kind of nightlife is your thing", but they really do not understand. They do not understand the pain that you are going through, facing four walls, looking at stuffed toys on your bed, and crying non-stop till 6 or 7am. Expect me to go where?! Go mustafa huh? And smell all the people who live in mars who haven't heard of what perfume or cologne is? Expect me to go shopping?! At where?!

Some people say that I am running away, my mum, my dear girlfriends, but what can I do? I cannot do anything. I do not want to do certain things and people think that I am seeking for attention. I CHOSE TO SELF-DESTRUCT. So, my nightlife has been like this:


Models Night Out:

Dbl O:
And some bitch reunion (with a guy who I havent met for years!):

And a super tall girl! who is bloody 1.8m and she still wear heels!

Clara and Long lost friend Daniel!:


It was crazy having 2 bottles!

AND THEN, WE HOPPED TO DBL O AGAIN!

And as usual,
We zouked too, went all crazy,

with flaming Lamborgini,

Basically, it was many zouks, and DBL O! I am a resident of DBL O lah! Even the bouncer recognises me. "Eh, I see you every week!" Even certain people who I always seem to meet. CRAP. Basically, its because DBL O is cheap! The drinks are only $3 for shots and glasses, $12 per jug.

Well, whenever I go with my gfs, the ratio to girls and guys are like sperms and eggs. it's like millions of sperms to one egg. So, me and my gfs will start kissing each other on the dancefloors and all the sperms will just stare and back off! It's like SO FUNNY! And whenever we aren't high enough to kiss one another, we will go screaming and shouting (You wouldnt want to know what we said.) and they will just back off. HAHA. Luckily, most of the times, there's Daniel and Small Bully there!

NOT FORGETTING SITI'S TRADITION OF CAKE GIVING!!!

Right now, life has been busy for me. Giving tuitions, Working with MC.models, FYP research, Silver Ribbon. I'm going on fine. I am going along fine but why?! Why do some things just can't seem to get out of my mind.

Well, I somehow wish that you didn't leave. Cos' if you didn't, no one, no sperms will be on my back now. I will be leading a peaceful life.

SCARS

Logging into this space feels so foreign right now, though I only haven't been here in this space since 4th of March. Since March started, it feels that time has passed VERY slowly. Though it's only been more than 2 weeks, that day seems like it's last year. I have so many drafts un-posted, unfinished since 1st March. And I do not dare to peep in those entries cos' I do not want to fall back down.

I am proud to say that I am getting better as days pass. Somehow, it doesn't pain as much as before. Somehow, certain things doesn't matter anymore. Somehow, I do not cry every single time I walk down a memory lane. Somehow, I have already stop crying every night. Somehow, I do not have any expectations anymore. Somehow, looking at couples being so in love doesn't make me cry anymore like how I used to. I do not get weird glances when I walk along streets or sit in the bus anymore, For now, I just think back, and I smile because it happen though I am feeling so bitter and sour inside. However, I am not sure whether I am really feeling this way or I am just suppressing everything inside again. I hope it isn't the latter because I do not want to fall back to ground zero again. I do not want to. Cos' if I do, I will be letting down those people who have been there through this sucky and bitter stage with me. FUCK. Typing this is like turning on the tap. It sucks. I went through so much struggles, so much determination, just for me to get to where I am. I do not want a relapse like how I always did, that's when I realised that I fall back down though I try so hard to be and stay strong.

Kim went out with me on Monday (Yesterday), she smsed me this after we part, "You coped really well today! Keep it up gal! :) You will definitely get pass this sucky stage la.."

Yes Kim, though we had a huge cold war over certain issues, I am glad you are there when I really needed strength. I really appreciate you! Though you may have your PMS, (Come on! Every woman does!) I still love you. You seem to understand, yes, speaking from exactly 10 years of friendship! Thanks for everything! :)

Siti, sorry to make you cry as well and having your mum suspect that you broke up with some secret boyfriend. Thank you for coming down when I needed you. Thank you for all your encouragement. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for the sleepless nights with me as well. Sorry for those stupid thoughts and not loving myself. Thank you for knocking some sense into me. I wondered where would I be if I've not met you.

Serene, just seeing you once knocked much sense into me. You've been through it all. I can do it as well. I love you bitch! :)

Flavia and Small Bully, thank you so much for being there! REALLY! Thank you for those breaking down sessions, puking, drinking and fagging sessions! Though it's not healthy like we all know, those have ended and I managed to run away somehow, from the pain every single night and I came back stronger, fall back down, pick myself up again, and you guys have always been there. Thank you so much. Small Bully, thank you so much for placing me back on path and on track. It means a lot having to get back life, thank you for being so harsh on me, thank you for giving me that hard (as a rock) reality check, of course, thank you for your encouragement and your countless worries for me. I promised I won't say or do anything like what I said and did last Saturday anymore. I will love myself. :)

This is the 1st time I ever feel this way and I am feeling damn god helpless. But I am fine now, for the time being.

As for now, I have a biggest worry in which I feel so helpless because I feel that I fail. Maybe if you wanna drift away from me, it's OKIE. Though I am dealing with a huge obstacle myself, I still worry for you. It just shows your maturity level. You claim that you do know what you are doing, how you feel etc. But don't you get it?! It's too fast. After all the crap you promised me that night, has it gone down the drain? Do not be the 2nd one, the 2nd person who breaks promises. DO NOT. Cos' what you are doing now is making me lose faith in promises. Do not make me not believe in promises. I have your interests at heart. If that's what you want, for me to fuck off of your life, TELL ME STRAIGHT! DO NOT ASK SOMEONE TO PASS THE BLOODY MESSAGE TO ME. Yes, I am pissed with you, I am terribly upset and disappointed with you. It's not only me, but someone else. Is that person so damn important to you? More important than me?! A person who barely knows you for 2 weeks and someone who knows you for 6 years? You insist, you make me feel like a fool. I am too angry with you right now get it? I am terribly upset with you. If that's what you want, since you are so freaking stubborn, as if I will do you harm, I WILL LEAVE YOU! AND I MEAN IT.
Good luck in life mate! All the best!

In the meantime, I'll take my leave. I wish to go away. I'll be back soon.

untitled

I guess, I'm pretty quite alright after last night. I guess I am feeling better now. I thank you for those screamings, shoutings and heartless treatment. I do not know whether I am starting to hate you. Maybe I am. Yes, I think I am doing so.

Maybe I will cry hard again. Maybe I will. And I think I am starting to again. But for this time, it would be for a different reason.

For all the bad times that you always remember. Thank you.

K.O-ed

I am over the bimbotic bitch issue right now. I just K.O-ed her on her face. Too much Johnny Walker and insufficient sleep is bad for health. Slept (Napped I think...) only for less an hour last night and went to suntec early in the morning. I had a hangover this morning. I feel like I'm floating now. CRAP! I have another 2 extra piercings! Stupid Vivian lah! But whatever lah! I am super happy! I got my right ear-top piercing. (I have no idea how to explain to you considering the fact that I am super sleepy...) So, I have 2 on my left, and 4 on my right. Leng Leng saw my top ear piercing and she immediately scream, "You better take it out now! Remove it!". But i was thinking, "Hell no! For all the pain I'm going through looking after the fresh piercing! No way! After all, I've been longing for this piercing for a long time. You only live once. Furthermore, it's not as if I will not remove them if I have a kid. AND... that's a LONG WAY to go. Who knows I am not going to get married. So, I will enjoy while I can" and it's still not out. I can't imagine what will happen if I have a tattoo! All hell will break lose and most probably, I won't have a place to stay in anymore. Okie, I sound like a typical problematic teenager now! No I am not! It's just the floating sensation kicking in. This is what happens when you are freaking troubled, and when you are running away from certain things I guess. You do things to make yourself happy because you feel no one cares anymore. But hell, I am used to it now.

I had my anixety attack again. Much thanks to Vivian, so cute lah she! Keep massaging my fingers and hands. Maybe that's another factor why I am tired and I feel like I'm floating. I still have to tutor tomorrow. Whatever it is, I am just here blogging, typing crap to let you know that I am still kicking and alive. I will be gone for a while till my new blog skin is ready! And I think I am K.O-ed now :)

Stupid, Bimbotic models!

Everyone says that the modelling industry is a very bitchy one. Indeed it is. Basicially, there are 2 different types of models. One is when they try too hard to imitate the ANTM's potential bitches, they open their mouths and blabber non-stop without thinking and think that they are some kind of big shots. The other type are the ones that act dumb and play smart. I am proud to say that I am the latter. There's something I would like everyone to learn, especially if you are in the modelling industry. ESPECIALLY, when you are a free lance model and you are new in the industry. I always advice my close friends who are in this industry (it's not about me being a big shot and giving my advices here and there but since I consider them as a friend, I think that they should learn how to protect themselves!)that being a model is very simple. When you are called for casting, just go, and if you are selected, do your best job and fuck off. You do not need to give yourself extra trouble by bitching about other models. Indeed, the industry is all about competition, the best one gets the most jobs, earn the most money, but when you bitch about people when no one actually did offend you, there goes your reputation. Come on, don't be dumb, are you living in some other planet besides earth that you do not know the difference between Singapore and other countries?! Singapore is damn god small. As what the late Suharto said (along the line), "Singapore is just a small dot on the map." How can it bloody hell be compared to a big country like yours?! CHINA. You can fly anywhere you want even if you are a model with a bad reputation. If you are in America, you can always fly to Boston to start anew! Where do you think you can go in Singapore?! You can fly from Pasir Ris to Jurong?! And from Jurong you wanna fly to Orchard?! Furthermore, no one offended you! Not to say America, or even China, your booker can always send an email with a picture of yours to other modelling agencies, and blacklist you, not to mention a small country like Singapore. I guess you are trying TOO HARD to outshine the rest?! Do you need to go to the extent of wearing a mask in front of me and your agent?! It only reflects upon YOURSELF and NO ONE ELSE. You are not in any position to comment whether my make up is thick, my photos are not nice etc. If you got the balls, oops, sorry, you've got no balls, maybe if you got the boobs, you can bloody hell bitch about me right in my face. Why not just admit that you are jealous and envious of me?! I know I produce presentable photoshoots in which no one has disagree that I look ugly so far. AND, as a matter of another fact, you even praise me of my good photoshoots. Furthermore, as a matter of another, another fact, I've received positive comments about my recent photoshoot, NONE NEGATIVE AT ALL. I know you are envious of me because I brought down friends whom I think have the potential to be models as well, and as a matter of fact, the FIRST person WHOM YOU THINK CAN MAKE IT AS A MODEL IS A TRANSEXUAL. I wouldn't be surprised that you have 2 balls hanging down there, in which, you dare not bitch about me right in front of my face, because as a booker, you failed in your very 1ST attempt in scouting models. Why do you even want to argue that you are freaking taller than me?! It doesn't makes sense isn't it?! You are 1.73m, I am 1.75m. Do you even have a problem with mathematics? Do you even have a problem telling which number is larger in which who is taller?! What does 2cm even matters to you when you have a height in doing a runway show, just like me? Eh, you know what bitch?! So what if my damn make up is thick!? Your make up isn't that good as well, Who are you to comment about me when those people who are casting me do not make any comments about it!? Who are you to comment when some of the professional make up artists who graduated cosmoprof whom I met actually did praise me and I do not receive any negative comments from them? Who are you to comment when your head so freaking big in which I do not think that you can squeeze it into a prositute's vagina!? You can give it a shot you know? Because my make up is thick, I CAN TONE IT DOWN. YOUR HEAD IS BIG, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! I know, I empathise with you okie!? :)

Fellow models or free lances, Singapore is a very small country, thus, it's modelling industy is SMALL as well. In some way or so, everyone that you meet is inter-linked. You do not bad mouth ANYONE because if you do, your reputation is at stake. You do not need to carry your agent's balls, sleep with anyone just to be a model. People will notice you if you have the potential. And if you really do have a passion in this industry, you should do what is best for you. Do not offend anyone, because if you do, life will be difficult for you in the future. Trust me. :)

Someone fed me a grumpy pill.

I'm stuck and I'm in my room alone, no lights with the sounds Madonna's La Isla Bonita and Enrique's Bailamo. So many things have been happening around me. Even though time seem to pass by fast, I think life for me either stop or it's travelling in a motion and I can't move on somehow. For no rhyme or reason, I have been feeling extremely grumpy lately. I guess I know the reason why. I guess I am really tired and drained from running away and for now, I am shutting up. I rather keep everything myself, shutting down in my own world. For the ever first time in my life, I am feeling so helpless.

I would like to thank all those good and bad friends I have, who have been listening to my cries, whines and paranoid worries. Vincent, Vivian and Cherie, you three are one of the best things that happen in my tertiary life so far, all the laughters and cries, I'm glad we were all there for each other. Siti, it's been years! Through our ups and downs, it's crazy, but I am glad you have been always there, till today. You are one of the best things that happen in my life, not so far, but I just know forever, as long as I live. Cause I am starting to believe in friends being forever. Thanks for being there and being my support of strength. :)

As for bad friends, I do not have a whole list. But just one. A bad friend is one that acts like one cares and be there for you but one day, you just realise that, that friend smirks at you when you are at the lowest point of your life. Suddenly, you realise that you have been a joke and you can't tolerate it. I do not need the whole world to be with me, but all I need is just one special friend there. So, losing you isn't a pinch to me, cos' HEY! I've got a bunch of close ones with me. Right now, you do not mean anything to me, but I just feel mad about you making MY LIFE sound like a joke to you. I do not need to brag about things that are not true. I am not like you. I really suggest that you do some soul searching before pointing your fingers because you were once like that wasn't you? Maybe, you are still like that now. There are certain things I am proud of in my life. I do not need to convince you that it happened or it's happening. I am grateful to you in some way, but I am sorry, I will take my leave before you do. Cos' I do not want things to go on anymore. Call me petty, blah blah blah, indeed I am, I admit it cos I choose withdraw away when I can't tolerate it.

For some reason, I am feeling very serene but I know there's a huge storm inside. I need some self reflections, especially since 1st of Jan 2007 started. I need to step back, I need to observe, I need to think. I need to find myself. Maybe I did for the past few weeks. I've learnt, I've grown. Somehow, I feel that I am not ready for him. Somehow, I feel like being this way. No, I don't, after typing that previous sentence, it felt like someone just punched me on my face saying that I'm faking it. I have no idea. It's neither here nor there.

Okie, whatever it is, I will hide in my shell for the time being. I guess I am feeling this cos' I neglected. Can someone give me the be-loved-or-pampered pill?

A bag of laughters

If you are pissed and down right now, just like me.

I recommend you searching for "Ms Swan" in youtube.

Trust me, it's an addiction.

The Long Post

I reckon that this post is gonna be quite long. I just painted another layer of top coat for my beautiful nails I did 3 days ago. I got to like really take care of them because I wouldn't want to re-paint it AGAIN.

Well, I had Chinese New Year reunion dinner at home this year. My family had like steamboat. Check out the abalone(s)!!! Leng Leng opened like 2 cans! And I swear not to take abalone for the time being. It's just too much!
I painted Cheryl's nails and I took them when she was sleeping.
Well we were waiting for dinner, we took some pictures lah! Pardon that fugly face of mine! :)
On the 1st day of new year, we went to mama's house!

Mama is getting old! She's 82 already!
We came back home and had a gathering at home!
On the 2nd day, I went to Terence's place and then to Aunt Chris place.

On the way to Uncle Steve's house:

I gave an excuse that I am going to die. So all my cousins had to take a picture with me.
Hui Mei (Sarah)
Samuel
Wen Sheng (Jason)
Sherlaine

Stanley
Nicholas
Ivan
And, Jeremy.

Well, I went head hunting with Vivian! *wide smile* But everything was in vain. It's OKIE!

At a glance, I bet Vivian's tongue grew longer overnight. We went to some Nepalese Restaurant and I think the manager was trying to flirt with Vivian. "I can see that you like it mixed..."

I know I look like some freaking old woman with that red lipstick. But, I LIKE.
A few days later, the Full time Buttocks and the Part time Buttocks decided to meet up. Poor Cherie waited for the Full time ones for like 2 to 3 hours lah!
The male buttocks had a difficult time cos' the Full time female buttocks threw food onto his plate when they couldn't finish it. I guess he went home doing more sit ups and skipping!
And as a whole,

For complimentary, I got to take a picture with Rachael, Cherie's girlfriend. I found it so hard to take a picture with her because Cherie actually threatened to wallop me up. Poor me!
On the 15th of Feb, the Full Time buttocks went to give out flyers at Suntec City. It was a hell of experience because we got chased wherever you go. It's just like Just Follow Law. You need to seek for approval from different management and it takes 3 working days! How irritating is that!But the Japanese Boys made it up for it! They were so funny! Here's the story:

Vivian and I were giving out flyers at the entrance of Food Republic at Suntec City Convention Centre when a group of Japanese guys(some with their eyebrows shaven, yaku.. something...) walked passed. They look so ignorant but I still gave them the flyers. A few mins later, they walked pass me, and they SURROUNDED me! And they said, "more-to, more-to..." showing sign gestures to have more of the food coupons! I then gave them the entire pile in my hand and they went off. And they started and kept saying, "beautiful..... thank you..... bye." And they couldn't stop waving bye as if they hand was controlled by someone else. Adrian then passed me another pile, so, I ran towards the group of Japanese guys and I passed it to them AGAIN! haha. And they were so amused and happy lah! Weirdos! They need so many food coupons for what?!

But whatever lah! I managed to clear the coupons anyway.

The shirt that makes me sleep:
I am so hungry! I might wanna order macs in which I didn't last night! Maybe order macs and watch some stupid drama series.

P.S: Singapore Airshow tmr! and on Sunday! And yes! Terence will be free after 24th! COUNTDOWN!

Hungry Clara makes a not happy one

AIYA! I wanted to blog and all. Uploaded pictures already somemore! DARN! But I am extremely hungry too blog that extremely long post. Furthermore, I want food! I think I wanna eat macs. Feel like ordering leh! But I scared Ah Pa come back later. ARGHS! I am currently addicted to that smelly Singapore Airshow T-Shirt and the song, Merry Christmas Mr Lawrance.

I THINK I WANNA ORDER MAC. NNNNNNOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!

SHOULD I?!

1998, 2002, 2008

Well, I'm tired from all that crying. What a day! Furthermore, it's Valentine's Day. I know, I won't have people giving me flowers.(It's been a long time since I receive flowers lah! I saw all the guys carrying flowers in the train when I was on the way home yesterday! SO PRETTY!!!) Freaking lonely lah! Vivian! Vincent! Cherie! Aiya, forget about Cherie! Cherie celebrating with girlfriend! I wanna watch movie lah! Aiya. whatever, that aside.

I was at the wake today, seeing Uncle Nghee off his last journey. I tried to fight it all back and tell myself that I am strong, though I am not close with him, but the memories are just too distinct. Making his own bird cages, looking at his diving collection, both of us feeding his birds, fixing up planes etc. Though he chose the wrong path in life, I know he is a good person inside- Everyone is. He loves children. Thinking what mama said beside coffin, still makes me wanna tear, she said this in Teochew, "Ah Nghee ar, you go up there, must be a good person, cannot be a bad person anymore, remember must be a good person, must protect all your silbings and me, this family..."

Aiya, He's gone already and we shall all move on with our life. Anyway, I found out that his cause of death is Lidopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. Some lung thingy.

Alright, I think I am gonna catch some sleep. I am extremely tired.

He's gone

His entire body was yellow and filled with dark pigmentations. His head was tilted up, eyes were closed. His heartbeat stopped. Doctors and nurses fled into the room and they tried to revive him. Fortunately, he survived.

13 hours later, her phone rang. It was the doctor. It doesn't sound good. He was pronounced dead minutes later.

Rewinding 15 years back, those memories seem to be so distinct. Having him, guiding my hand with tweezers, picking up live worms, feeding those worms to the birds that he kept. That's the only memory I will keep of him. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not care if everyone have a bad memory of him. So what if he is a bad person? That is the one and only impression I will have of him.

For now, he's gone.

Finally, I surrender.

I hate it whenever my cell phone vibrates and I realise it's not you and that's when I get sprinkles of disappointment.

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For that same damn thing

Passing by Toh Guan Road brings back memories, it aches badly. Having to watch 2 shadows walking happily hand in hand. I tried fighting back those tears, but I can't. Then again, A is at the back of my mind. That excitement, the all time anticipation, finally arrived. Next week, I hope, really hope that I will get to see A for the first time in my life.

-I'll move on, I promise.

OLD FEELINGS

Well, I am so bored. I went for my CNY visiting last night and I managed to hear SOMETHING.

Well, I didn't know I made history after I graduate! My news was spreaded like WILDFIRE in the STAFF ROOM! Just because I broke up with someone! It's so fun and it got me so CURIOUS!!! So, I asked and knew the whole story. I was shocked and I didn't know that the relationship was that HIGH PROFILE!

Okie! I know I sound so bimbotic with the... "WHAO!" But it not that good lah! No wonder! No wonder that happen when I went to pick up my O level Certificate! HAHA. Well, WHATEVER! IT'S OVER!

Well, I am catching up with an old friend right now and I must say, I am so happy! Cos' talking to this friend is just like having an ego booster! (Instead of being labelled stupid all the time!) Maybe it's because we can connect. That's why we know each other inside out.

den i shall say.. meet my bimbo fren.. but shes smart,
mess arnd wit her and she bite u to death. i always find u mysterious

That means I am unpredictable! And Ms Siti always says that I am unpredictable!

Siti, I badly need some ego boosting too yea?! Remember to boost my ego when we talk in whatever way ya! Remember what you said, "It's okie for a woman to brag a little!"

I miss myself being that strong girl. Sasha told me this before, "Psychologically speaking, you got to think with your brain, NOT YOUR HEART. Cos' your brain is the one that always been making the logical decisions and thinkings."

And it's time to use MY BRAIN TO THINK, NOT ALLOWING MY HEART TO MELT AND DO THE THINKING.

*Valentine's Day? HAHA. It's nearing. I told every person I do not celebrate it cos I believe that everyday is valentine's day. I realised that I've been faking it! I NEVER celebrated it! SO, THIS YEAR, I WANNA CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY! So, I am free this Valentine's Day! Anyone can date me out! I shall see lah, who is it! :)

- Since, it has been declared officially that no one cares.

Love hurts: Narareth
Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Im young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when its hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They're not foolin me

I know it isnt true,
I know it isnt true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts
Ooh,ooh love hurts

I know it isnt true,
I know it isnt true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh...

Kill those grumpy spells lah!

Ms Siti found it hard to believe that I am an Introvert. So she told me a more accurate test would be Carl Jung's Personality test. TRUE ENOUGH, the results differ!!!

ESTP

Extroverted (E) 59.46% Introverted (I) 40.54%
Sensing (S) 54.29% Intuitive (N) 45.71%

Thinking (T) 53.85% Feeling (F) 46.15%

Perceiving (P) 62.86% Judging (J) 37.14%

I'm bored stiff... I haven't seen Terence for days. And that boy, to compensate that, he blew me off really badly last night.

I SHALL NOT ALLOW MY PRIDE TO SPILL OVER THE FLOOR ANYMORE!

CRAP!!!

Siti said that I am weird. Cos' it seems like I become a grumpy dwarf every CNY's eve. Chest pains again. Seems like an annual thing. Shit. It been 2 days. Till now, I am feeling freaking grouchy, grumpy, pissed, upset etc. CNY doesnt excites me. (Just like last year!) FUCK! I know why I am feeling like that. I know. But I shall not make it known. What for? As if he cares. So what if I understand? I have my limits too. It's too much for me to take. But so what?! As if he cares about my feelings, me. As if.

What will happen if I lead myself astray?! Will he change and be there for me?! As if... Okie. WHATEVER

BYELAHBYELAHBYELAH!!!

RANDOM POST

For now, Clara is feeling really grouchy. So many things but so little time, it doesn't make a difference lah! I always have poor time management. Thinking about FYP meetings sulks me. My 1st FYP meeting would be tomorrow. Moreover, I can't believe that my 2nd year just ended and I am proceeding into my 3rd year! And soon, after a year, I will graduate with a diploma and I will be working. It's scary, looking at how fast time passes.


Well, My Baby Kahlen crashed for the first time!!! Her harddisk and DVD drive crashed and they need replacement. HP is waiting for the parts to arrive. Most probably she will be back home after CNY. And for now, I am struggling with my old boy with a missing 's' on the keyboard. Thank god I can still type the letter 's' if not if would be like so weird! Imagine,


" For now, Clara is feeling really grouchy. o many thing but o little time, it doen't make a difference lah! "


Doesn't look like english does it?!


Again, speaking about Chinese New Year, my mummy and I just cleared all the pineapple tarts! We calculated and estimated that we made about 1ooo pieces of pineapple tarts. God! I can't imagine it! As for this year, my own family will be having our own reunion at home on new year's eve. A change after my grandma passed away in 2002. So now, everyone's coming on the 1st day of new year. Mummy invited only family members and close people for dinner. ( I hope Terence will be here! *cross fingers* )


Besides CNY, I guess, Vivian and I are having this thing called maternal instincts! We would see babies and we all go gaga. And Vincent would be there like, "Reminds me of... hmmm... Vaal..." HAHA! And we will probe into his thoughts and disturb him further! But like seriously, the babies are sooooooo CUTE! Maybe it's because of their innocence that's a stress reliever. But some kids are not cute. In hokkien, there is this phrase, "Bo nang yan" It's like the baby face is like not presentable, there's a sign, "Please hit my face" kinda face. Okie, I do not know what I am talking about. But whatever it is, I am ranting about god knows what.

Let's talk about a new found bitch named Sasha. I met her during the H.O.A fashion show and I only came to know about her being my secondary school senior only after a few times of chilling out. She's a critic, a 10 times bitcher bitch than me. I SWEAR! Vivian can prove it! But we both like her cos she is FUNNY.

You Are An ISTP

The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. In love, you tend to be very easy going and flexible.The only thing you can't stand for is someone trying to change you or your life. At work, you can stay completely calm under pressure. You handle stress well.You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete. How you see yourself: Logical, flexible, and unconventional When other people don't get you, they see you as: Indecisive, flippant, and disrespctful

What's" Your Personality Type?

For now, I am waiting for jobs to come in! COME TO ME QUICK COS I AM BORED STIFF.

I'm sorry if you find it a waste of time reading this post cos' it's REALLY RANDOM.

FLOATING

I haven't been better for the past few days. Fever, Throat problems, BLOATED STOMACH WITH A LOT OF WIND INSIDE, Vomitting, PLUS, diarrhea!!! SHIT!

Leng Leng was looking at me last night, and she said, "You look very pale again lah. I don't want you to go fainting again, like the other 2 times. I'll boil the pao sim( ginseng tea), and you must drink it. "

Arghs! I feel like ranting that's why I am here.

I have a psychological problem lately, with having Terence getting all busy in his Singapore Airshow Office, and he stay up till like 11PM or 12AM almost every other day( FYI: He is still in the office!) I have this wild imagination that all girls or women have: Thinking too much. Well, my latest psychological problem is:

Terence having an affair in the office.

Well, I have been a very very, extremely good girl. He can just do his work without me disturbing him. (Besides the past few days when I was sick) Terence and I used to stick to each other like SUPERGLUE. And I could not withstand the distance between us so I whine, and cry and threaten to kill myself! And I did kill myself. And probably, it's my soul that's typing this post.

Well, as a ghost myself, I wandered around, staying by Terence's side. I have been observing his movements today, and indeed! HE HAD AN AFFAIR EVEN BEFORE I DIED! He and his superior were having fun in the office. And his freaking superior, Jane was laughing her heads off with Terence calling me names like stupid and irritating slut, thick- skinned bitch. I could not accept that heartless creature(Terence) actually laughed and agreed with her after so much I had done for him. ( I waited for him to reach home though I am sick, and he did not appreciate it at all! ) AND, he even called me a fool for being stupid enough to believe that he didn't have an affair outside. ARGHS!

I got so angry that I decided to pull Jane's hair out from her scalp at ONE SHOT, fill her face with more acne, make her shrink even more, flatten that chest of hers and make her grow a dick! That's to ensure that Terence would not get turned on by her no matter how much she seduced him. Cos' I know that my loverboy hate woman with dicks (He even had experiences with those shims!). After doing that, I will go into her dreams and haunt her. I will flaunt off my beautiful, long, smooth and shiny hair (which I just got it done today at Loreal HQ), the sexy red dress that Terence bought for me (Cos' she do not have one. And that's because she can't wear dresses!), my boobs because I have 2 and she don't cos' I flattened her chest! HAHAHA! AND, show her that I do not have a dick like she does. I bet she will feel very depressed and she will apologised for being hostile when I am with Terence.

She will start off by saying, " I am sorry for ignoring you and showing that I am some kind of big fuck when u fetch Terence off work. Actually, I was jealous that he is together with you and not me. I chose him to work here because I had a crush on him the day he came for the interview! I am sorry.... " and she continued, " ... whenever I see you with Terence, I just cannot take it. I really like him. I am sorry for being such a sourpuss back then, but now, I am a sourdick... I had to hide my emotions of being so sour by being very strict with Terence infront of you. My motive was to pile up his work so that he cannot meet you and he will stay as long as I want him to be in the office with me. When I heard you bringing homecooked food for his lunch, I got even mad and decided to treat him extremely nice when it's got to do with his FYP and treating him meals. I wanted to be better than you! I AM SO SORRY! GIVE ME BACK MY BOOBS, PUSSY, AND MY HAIR!!!! I promise I won't pester him again!!! "

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Looking at her sorry state, made me so HAPPY that I returned back to earth as a human again, with flesh and blood. Killed Terence for being unfaithful and left Jane in that way.

And now that I am a human again, I am forcing my eyes to open wide in front the television, having DINNER that Leng Leng brought back, and waiting for Terence to knock off! And not forgetting, I AM PMS-ING!

Last Year, Lucie SIlvas

Seasons change and there they go
It's not over, give me hope
It don't seem like it was before
It's time I told you that I need more

Today the wine is not sweet enough
And there's no flavor to your vintage love
You don't give me the words I want to hear
If you want me to stay baby make it clear
You're not showing me love like you did last year
Like you did last year

Chase the moon across my sky
Save the picture of you and I
Lovers race, was won too soon
Looks like you've given up and running out
And I won't wait for you

The stars ain't shining bright enough
And venus doesn't seem to favor us
You don't give me the words I want to hear
If you want me to stay baby make it clear
You're not showing me love like you did last year
Like you did last year
Just come here and we'll talk all about it

Well it's much too precious to lose so easily
Just go back to where we used to be
Give me the words I want to hear
If you want me to stay baby make it clear
You're not showing me love like you did last year
Like you did last year

Guys and Army

Time flies! Boyfriend is being posted to Commando Unit.

I DON'T WANT!

Though mum said it's good. But he have to serve for 2 years straight!

I want him to serve 1 year and 8 months only!!! :(