Your Loss

It's a pity. It's a shame to see what you've loss in the past decades.
You lost a little best friend who you can speak to about soccer.
You lost a faithful lover.
You lost the respect that was given to you that once shone brightly.
You lost a best friend who can speak to you about anything.

You implement fear in everyone's eyes.
You turned love to hatred.

I'm sick, I'm tired. From me to you, let's all just drop it will we?! It's worthless. I do not look at you the same way anymore. Things change. Your words are shit. Your actions tells another story. Let's stop being fake around here, will you?

Isolation

Eversince the 1st incident in May 2005, I thought those who come and go in my life will be the ones that I trust the most. Just because, there's an extra element in them compared to my best friends. For now, I blame myself for having that mis-conception. Cos' no one prove this right. Time and time again, I get disappointed. I do not expect anyone to tell me what to do, all i want is someone to listen, and then talk to me. However, I made the wrong choice of reliance. It always seems that no one cares and I have to worry more when shit happens. ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Best friends, I am sorry. I hope it's not too late.

heat and fire.

It's human's nature. For every single soul on earth is different in their own way though most share certain characteristics. It's taxing, having to change a part of you that is your nature. But for some some reasons, humans work in the weirdest ways.

Sometimes, we do not work in acceptance, and just walk away.

Somehow, I feel that I am in some slow motion tunnel for the past few weeks, waiting for that day to come where I will be completely perfect. Not really actually, maybe, close to perfection. I do not run into the lion's mouth anymore. But, whenever it's time, I run towards the sea, and drown myself in my own. That's how I am coping. Ask me why?! Because I want a better feeling for myself. Not really actually, AGAIN. For someone else perhaps.

Somehow, I feel that I am living in deception. I had to find another way out for myself, another alternative. I had no choice. ( And when they say, life is full of choices, somehow, I feel that it's bullshit now. It's pretty subjective. )

At times, I ask myself whether it was a right decision. Ironically, I do not have an answer to my own question.

However, I bow down to those who have accepted me.

learn how to hate a perfect stranger.

We can never stop changes. People change, Things change. Everything seems too subjective. Everything seems so complicated. Nothing seems so lack of judgements. It's too complicated that you can't seem to give a YES or NO answer, and you give an answer with a YES or NO with ifs.

In this ever accelerating world, people are careful with their words, there isn't any chance of being gullible, naive, ingenuous, or else, someone that you do not even know will zap you down. How can humans be that ruthless?! You can be that simple but yet complicated. People do not make things complicated. Greed, Ambitions, Wants, Principles are namely the few. In that sense, how do most people turn out this way? How did the world become: making use of one another? It's because of competition, about not being down in that low level, not being the last, just to keep up with this insidious and machiavellian world we are in, the demands. Therefore, people change, mindsets change, everything changes. And then you suddenly realise you don't recognise yourself, and you ponder about all the innocence you once had, change then becomes a reality, and you comfort yourself that you do not have the time to ponder and just move on. Because you've changed and sacrifices have been made to where you are up there. But everynight, you look into the mirror and asked yourself, "Is this me?". 90% of the time, you brush the thought aside. So, what is exactly bugging you?

If I could, I rather retire early, resign from this part of earth. Live the life of simplicity in any villiage. Get the pure taste of satisfaction, for I know it would be a fulfillment in life.

ON SALE

Well, I want to sell this HP handphone away. Reason being: I am short of cash right now.

This handphone is still in it's packaging. And I am selling it away. Any buyers?

For more information of this phone, please click here.

Any interested parties, please drop me an email at lyjclara@gmail.com

P.S: Price is negotiable. ((:

The Last TEEN

It's been a long time since I am blogging! Finally, I am able to publish this post! It has been pending since the night of 15th of Sept! ((:



On the 14th of September, Honey came over at 1 plus. He was a tired so he slept for a while and this was what happen:

I wonder whether you guys notice the 2 lipstick marks on his right cheek and his forehead. The bright red one was on his cheek. And a darker red on his forehead. I wanted to re-take a picture unforunately, he woke and whining...

"I cannot sleep in peace leh!!!"

and not soon after, my first visitor came at 4 plus.

And we went down to the BBQ pit. Here are some photos:

A picture of my First Visitor(Flavia) and Me!

Soon after, people start coming in. The first couple to make their mark:

ABRAHAM AND YU TING!
After everyone arrived, taken their dinner, It was time for me to blow the cake!!! Well, the cake was bought by Terence's mum.

P.S: Auntie Janice, if you are reading this, many thanks! ((: Love you many many too!

Soon, not long after I made my wish and blew out the candle, I smelt disaster!

WHY?!

For the first time in 19th years, I WAS SABO-ED!!!

Terence placed the "candle holder" (I really do not know what you call that la! ) into a slice of cake.... He garnished with the slice of cake with roses too....
And damn! I had to find that "candle holder" only with my tongue!
Here's the video:

And bloody hell! As you can see, Terence pushed my head into the slice of cake!!!

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TA DAH!!!

A fugly picture of me:

After all that mess, fun, laughter, it was ..... Well, I planned to only open 2 bottles. Unfortunately, Ruyun's boyfriend, Rion brought down Absolut Pear. So, we got 3 bottles to clear!!! ((:

And, WE ALL BOTTOMS UP TO ME!!

Some pictures:




Okie, all the couple couple shots up already... So what's next?!

SOME LESBIAN ACTION AGAIN!

Ruyun's idea la! Stupid Bitch!

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Well, if you guys wonder, Terence was the photographer AGAIN. After we frenched, we kiss our boyfriends, and we asked, "How does Clara/Ruyun taste like?!" HAHAS!

I only slept for 3 hours! I couldn't sleep at all! And the next morning! WAS SWAN LAKE!!! Wore my new dress, new earrings (from Honeybunch) to match with!Well, I had a splendid birthday! Well, as for presents,

Leonard and Amanda gave me this: My dear bitch bought LILIES! And they are SO PRETTY! Plus EARRINGS!
Abraham and Jin Yang bought a PVC clutch bag! HAHAS! I shall use it as my make up pouch!Flavia bought me Betty Boob hoping for me to grow bigger boobs! HAHAS!

I had an early birthday present from Siti on the 2nd of Sept which was a Giraffe! Can dance one okie! DAMN CUTE!!!So, what did Terence gave me?! HAHAS.
All these hearts and straws are more than ample to touch my heart!
He gave me a pair of earrings! Everyone say nice okie! He showed it to everyone except me before I got hold of the present! That idiot! Boyfriend accidentally told me the price when he was high. JUST ONE WORD: IDIOT.

I told mum about it, and my mum asked, "The boy got kena cheated a not?!" HAHAS. I am sure he is smart enough la!
Well, while we were having the interval, we took some pictures, and apparently, this is the nicest, BUT, some auntie was behind.... SO... I had to photoshop it...

Picture Perfect:
And, on the 7th of September, I had a HUGE SURPRISE! Link is here

The ladies were so damn sweet la! And I mean, they are still sweet of course. Many thanks to those who came for the BBQ, Cheers to: Jin Yang, Abraham, Yu Ting, Leonard, Amanda, Ruyun, Rion, Flavia, Chun Hwee, Jovanna, Mathew, Godwin.

Birthday wishes from: Jeremy, Alex(Godpa), Ron, Auntie Janice, Leng Leng(Thank you so much for the Salvatore Ferragamo HP Lanyard!) Yu Pei, Wandi, Si Hui, Jerome, Stan, Hazim, Sue, Izzati, Nurul and loads more! You guys are really much appreciated. Please do not get offended if you name is not here!

Special thanks to Kim and Siti! I AM NINETEEN! I love you girls BIG TIME!

Honeybunch, thanks! I said what I need to say to you and you know it all! ((:

I must say, IT'S THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

Human with their looks

Well, I am dead bored with a damn stuffed up nose (blocked nose) here (PLUS... I can't take my mind of yesterday's dream of me being diagnosed with some cancer). I am waiting for Terence to call me after he finish his flight exam paper in like maybe half an hour to 1 hour time. Leng Leng and Rose are preparing the food for tonight's BBQ. Mei Mei is humming to London Bridge which is playing from my laptop now and I am having thoughts on how I grind Terence in clubs whenever that song came up or whenever I requested for it from the DJ. hmmm... *shoo* *shoo* shoo those thoughts aside. hmmm... I was thinking about stuff just now and suddenly, Siti's thoughts came into my mind. We were talking about this certain topic a couple of times.

WE MUST FIND AN UGLIER BOYFRIEND!

Well, that doesn't mean I want to find another boyfriend la! But Siti was stating her stands in our crapping time as to why we must find an uglier boyfriend. YET, she is waiting for her love to come with such standards:

1. Toned up Chest without Hair

2. Look handsome or at least presentable (I think!)



I mean come on la! If anyone is gonna comment on her criteria, I am gonna knock your head hard! Come on, we have to admit that ALL of us are superficial in some way. If you are walking down the street and you see a HOT GUY who looks all buffed up and a skinny ugly toad, who will you think of having sex with?! Of course the HOT GUY LA!



Okie, back to Siti's stands ar, she said we have to find an uglier guy because if you look better, your guy will fear of losing you, because there are more handsome guys out there and he will treasure you always. So, we cannot find a too handsome guy. If not, he will run away with a prettier girl. Just like Terence, he is not really photogenic, but he is handsome lor!( Plus he's new haircut from Andrew...) Kim say he is the most handsome boyfriend I have so far, and I agree lor and when he wears the RAOUL shirt that I choose for him. He looks damn hot la. Blame it on me for having such a good taste la. ( You buy things that suit you, not just because you like it. ) AND, I forbade him to wear it. Only can wear exclusively for ME. If we ever break up, then he can wear the shirt to seduce all the girls but in the meanwhile, he cannot wear for anyone to see. If not, I will get angry! And in this relationship, I scared that boy run away because he is handsome enough lor to find a prettier girl than me especially when I am without make up, I think he will see me without make up till he sian lor then we will find other girl. But then again, he is always the one that ask me not to put on make up and not bad okie! I have been going out WITHOUT foundation and concealers! Must give me an award for it!


Don't ask what is the purpose of this post! I am hungry and feeling crappy! BBQ tonight! Birthday tmr! ((:

new love.

THE NEW THANG!
VIDEO CALL LOVE!!!

-I've been waiting for the day to arrive. And finally it was on 10th of sept

VAVOOM!

Alright! I had tons of photos but I only selected a few. The title of this show is VAVOOM!

Well, the shot below is how the place looks. We have a RED CARPET as our runway!

Melisa and me before the show.

Well, a little brief before i go directly into the show. The entire event takes up 4 days. 3rd of September to 6th of September. 3rd and the 4th of September were preparation. 5th and 6th were the seminar days. All the models were divided into 3 segments. Pre-done, Live Cut and Hair Up. Pre-done models are like models with their hair all done up already and they just parade their hair. Live Cut will be colouring your hair first and then, cutting your hair live and then you parade. Hair Up would be styling your hair live and then parade la! So, I belong to the Live Cut. There were 4 live cut models. 2 for each day. So, I was in Day One.

I had to smile all the time! I must say, it's not easy being a model! If you take a look at the 1st picture of me doing my Live Cut, I was sitting at one of the squares of the entire platform! Franko was walking around and I could feel as if the entire platform was collapsing. Franko's steps were very heavy and I was shaking. I was scared la! It would be damn un-glam if I were to fall. And despite the fear, I still have to SMILE and LOOK GOOD. I had to smile when Franko was pulling my hair hard too! GOD! I felt Franko chopping my hair off like it's none of my business!



Okie, skip the photo above. It's an un-glam mistake. The lower half of my body has BAD POSTURE!
Sandy, One of the Hair Up models, who is my schoolmate too!
MY NEW HAIR!

The Second Day:

Don't bother asking! I screwed my walks and poses! I feel that I can't make it anymore.

The models and Franko!
Who else?! Franko and me!
Well, from left: Jimmy, Andrew( Singapore's Ambassador), Me, Mel and Eddie!
Mel, Me and Ah Yan, our make up artisit and designer!

Mimi, the Minah in the house! ((:
The other Minah, Filah!
Shermin and I with flowers!Last but not least, my fav. shot: Franko and me!

I must say, Franko is damn bloody hot WHEN HE IS YOUNGER! Siti and Kim, I DO NOT LIKE OLDER MAN.

NEW HAIR. SAME BOYFRIEND.