hmmm...

Well, while waiting for Terence to contact me. I decided to blog la. Well, thinking back at 2006, it was indeed a huge ride especially the last half of the year. It isn't a proud or honourable thing to say that I had quite a number of guys that entered and exited my life. I had loads of decisions to make and I was utterly confused too. Well, there was one situation I was in and I am soooo happy that I managed to get out of it. Thanks Ben!

I broke up with my ex-bf who I was with for 1 and a half years just because of this guy, X. Well, X was there with me through my up and downs. He understood what I went through because we were in handling a project together. Little did I know that he had a gf, Y. Y and I were friends. I thought that things and feelings will eventually fade away after the entire project is over. However, it did not happen. Both of us tried, but we were unable to do so. We started going out etc. But weekends were reserved for Y. However, at times, I would meet X up after he meets Y for a drink and stuff. We started to talk about things from Y and life and I came to realise that I had no guilt at all. No guilt that I am the third party of X and Y's r/s. I felt so cold, so cruel especially whenever I met Y. X told me that it was okie and he was just there to make things right. Things started to get out of hand when I felt for him more. I told him that he should be honest with me even if he's out with her cos' I have the right to know cos' we were in it together but on the other hand, I do not have the right to stop X and Y to go out together because I was THE 3RD PARTY. My ex-bf I was with, was also pursuing me back, that gave me so much stress, he was manipulating the situation of the love triangle I was in. On the other hand, I came to know a close girlfriend, Reuben. He was the closest friend I could ever talk and be with. We have that chemistry and we clicked. We could talk about anything under the sun and naturally, I poured my sorrows to him as I could hardly breathe. We went clubbing, drinking and we had loads of fun. I got to know his circle of friends and I was happy but not really happy though, cos' at the back of my mind, I kept thinking of X and Y. I could not let him go but Reuben kept talking and advicing me and finally, I had the courage to let X go. And I guess in some way or so, I guess X blamed me in being "unfaithful" etc. X promised that he will be there for me, he promised that he will abide to everything I asks for. Knowing that, I was so tempted to ask him to leave Y but I never did ask because I feel that if he really wants to leave her, he would. There is no reason for me to tell him what to do if he really loves me and he wasn't there when I needed him the most. However, on one occasion, I finally saw him through, I could remembered the exact words he said or rather he shouted at me, "I do not want to make a sacrifice of either one, I had been in this same situation before and I regretted it, I do not want to regret again!" he threw the cigarette butt on the floor and he walked away. What he said made me think and up to today, I was glad that I was able to let him go.

Why this story now?! LOLS.

I am in Y's shoes, but not exactly in Y's shoes. I am indirectly in Y's shoes for years. I do not reveal my private life, those stuff that I do not want to reveal. But I must say something, knowing that someone has someone though he or she is attached does not only affect the 2 parties that shared a r/s but it also affects the people around these 2 parties, especially if they are married.

Some may argue in different perspectives. But everyone's to blame.

EVERYONE.

IT'S A START!!!

Wha... After not blogging for like half a month, Blogger actually saves the post automatically!!! Well, I am god darn drained! I SWEAR! Dearest Rosie went back home for home leave and I am here looking after the household because Leng Leng and Ah Yoong have to work! Moreover, the 2 monsters are having holidays. Thank god Friday is the last day of school!

Well, I feel pretty bad abandoning my blog for half a month. But, I can't help it! My laptop was sent to Fujitsu on the 14th of May and I just got it back yesterday!

Firstly, my laptop ac port was spoilt! The current can't run la! Then what happen?! I had to change it. In the meantime, I changed my fan that was in my laptop and told them that there's a blue screen that kept on appearing!

"Harddisk malfunction. Please contact adminstrator"

YA WHAT! Apparently, it was my 1GB RAM that was faulty! I still must wait for the 1GB RAM to arrive cos' Fujitsu did not have any stock. When I thought everything was FINE. I found out that my WIRELESS CARD WASN'T WORKING!!! AND I HAD TO SEND IT BACK TO FUJITSU AGAIN!!! ARGHS! DARN IRRITATING!

I felt so handicapped without my dearest Kahlen for like 2 weeks! I hope that she doesn't break down anymore and would pull through with me till March 2009. Then I will buy a new laptop! In any case, Ah Yoong is thinking of buying one more laptop for me just in case Ms Kahlen break down again!

Now that I am back here, I got so many stuff to blog about! O-K-I-E!!! Let me take it slow. First and foremost, I got a new handphone-Nokia 7390 and I have a Clavinova at home now!!!

Secondly, edPilokee did another skit for Bishan Library. Adeline who was the one that helped me out with my Poly Forum invited edPilokee to put up a skit for an event- to thank patrons for visiting and supporting the library. During preparation:They did some Borat stuff la! Cute! And on a side note, Borat is coming up with a book! Wah... that Borat is a instant millionaire! Kena nominated for Oscar somemore! Just like the Singaporean in his late twenties/early thirties who strike the $6.5 million toto prize! Kenneth did a tremendous job as the narrator. Special thanks to those peeps who turned up! Your efforts are truly appreciated!!!

Okie, I feel that my hair is like too blonde la! Nevermind, Claudine is going to dye my hair this Friday! Just in time for another runway show I am doing on the 16th I think. Yes, this time it's for a local brank, myuk.

THIRDLY, I REMOVED MY BRACES!!! YES, AFTER 2 YEARS! Well, it all started with the two bugs bunny teeth I used to have. But now, NO MORE! Compared to this girl that suan-ed me last year!

http://www.friendster.com/user.php?statpos=bc&uid=5651754

Take a good look! Above is her friendster profile.

Stupid woman! Talk so much. "I got discount with my braces and my period of putting braces will be faster than yours."

IDIOT! Talk so much... but what happen?! I removed them already! Stupid woman!

My upper jaw was overcrowded so I had to remove 2 pre-molars. I kept them for 2 years already!

My braces which I took out. It's part of my collection...

AND...

The last shot with my braces on: I know we look like retards!

And stupid fella FONDLE with my camera. But I must say, he do take good pictures:

AND WHEN I HAD MY BRACES OFF...

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AND... the 2 photos that are going to be my all time favourite:
I know he looks tooooooooo sexy la! He looks best in this. ((: And I think I am going to see this picture always!

Not forgetting... my all time gay partner! LOLS!

Till then...

FUCK

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Yes.. I AM RANDOM.

YES. I AM. I SHALL JUST SHUT UP AND BE QUIET. AND I WILL NOT RANT AT YOU!

I SHALL JUST... SHUT UP!!!

AND... I WILL NOT BE AWARE OF ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING AROUND ME. COS' I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING LIKE THAT.

Glitz 2007

Well, today, we had this Glitz Ceremony 2007. It's an event whereby RP give out awards to sportsmen and sportswomen AND for people who have stretched their hands out in Community Service.

Well, I skipped school today. As always, I overslept and I missed my UT. Terence went for blood donation AGAIN. I was supposed to go la. But I wasn't allowed to because I had some herbal soup yesterday. darn!
Terence took this photo. Apparrently, it was too far! ):

And, yes, the entire team after the award presentation. (:
It's been a long time we both took a photo:

Well, here's my certificate and my trophy. Kinda stupid la. But then again, I am happy that after going through so much, these are the only stuff to recognise my efforts.

Some old photos at Mount Faber:

Well, today's Glitz was darn god good because we had a joker in the event! Well, I would not mention names for some reasons la. But she is darn god funny! She probably won the Best Speaker Award. The way she speaks: I would like to thank *pause* my committee *pause* With- *pause* out you all, I *pause* would not be able *pause* to do this *pause* alone. Her spoken english is completely horrible! I do not understand how she conduct meetings...

okie! information overload.

AND... I seriously could not understand 50% of her speech!

ask me! ask me! PLEASE ASK ME WHO IT IS!!! I WILL TELL YOU PERSONALLY. ((:

dumb

I WILL WAIT FOR THE DAY TO COME, THE DAY WHEN YOU ACKNOWLEDGE MY EFFORTS.

-Nevertheless, I'll still love you till my dying day.

when passions clash

Well, I hope that I could be something like this:

The picture damn nice right?! (A model modelling for some fencing equipment) I have been feeling like a lost child eversince I did my 1st runway show. After my entire fencing saga was over back in 2004. I went to modelling which everyone around supported me to go for. That was the time when I had that typical perception about models: Cheap. But soon after that, I realised that I could have the potential because of my height and my mindset changed. I went for it. I joined ******* agency. And I realised that that it is NOT recognised by AMIP. How dumb could I be? However, I received 1 assignment from them for a Canon Photoshoot. I missed it because of my PolyForum 2006. I went to apply under Quest Models. I was shortlisted and was told to go for an interview. I then rejected it again because of certain issues and people that were in my life. And then again the itch of fencing kept coming back from time to time. As much as Terence strive that hard for his passion with flights, I wished that I could do the same in mine. I called my coach up, because I was considering to return to my passion. I told him I will let him know with the equipment that I plan to purchased. My dad then gave me the green light and supported me in purchasing the equipment. Therefore, I went back to watch fencing matches on the 1st of April, saw those old fencers, and those feelings came back again. The feelings of victory, contentment, anger, the kind of intensity. As if like you are going to have a heart attack in a split second, fencing a 14-15 match during the elimination round. But then again, I hesitated after I did the runway show and I know that I will have other assignments coming up. So, it's pretty tough. I am like caught in a dilemma. I feel messed up. Besides striving for what I want to do, I still have other commitments I have to settle. I do not know when my HPB project will end. And I hope that the Pilokee local engagements will be settled soon, at least it's a weight off. Can some aunty agony help me out with this?! ((: Drop me comments!!!

Champions League Dreams Crushed!!!

Liverpool vs Chelsea

Penalty Shoot Out: 4 - 1

What the fuck can?!?! It's been a long time since I started blogging about my dearest soccer matches!!!

Chelsea lost and I am so damn happy that Man Utd dreams got crushed!!! hahahahahahas!!!

The Champions League Finals: I am spporting AC Millian ( I am sorry Kim!)

I seriously hope Chelsea win the FA cup.

AND.. I SO HATE MAN UTD! I SWEAR!

Reflections

Well, It's 10.44PM, And in like 2hrs and 6 mins time, Terence & I will hit like 4 months. It's pretty surprising how time flies. And of course, I do not think that it is A BIG THING to reach 4 months. From my past relationships, I actually learnt that it's never about the quantity like how many years you are together with the person and stuff but rather it's about the quality of the relationship. I rather be with a person for 6 months and the relationship is smooth sailing than to be with a person for a year and I suffer like hell for the year. In every relationship, there's bound to be ups and downs(including mine). I do not hide it from anyone and tell everyone that I am doing SSOOO FINE when I am not, right Kim?! Who doesn't have little fights with their partners?! I admit I do lose my temper on Terence, I quarrel with him which I think I am freaking childish! But who cares?! We learn, We grow. Isn't that what life's about?!

For the past 2 weeks, I've heard of two misfortunes that really brought me back to memory lane.

First, was a close friend's break up. Well, it's common to suffer from break ups. But for this friend of mine, it's her first. It's pretty tough for her cos' I still remember how mine first break up felt. Her relationship is pretty much like Terence and mine back in Thailand: The Scheduled Courtship. When we both were so clear that we will return to our normal lives once we touch Singapore. Well, I remembered how painful it felt for us before we depart from Thailand. I remembered crying buckets and those tears can't stop flowing despite my smiles. And I knew at that point of time how much I loved that boy. Well, for this friend of mine, just like how you adviced me at a certain point of time, I am using those exact same words you did: I will pray for you that you will be okie, and that you will heal from this pain. I will give you my blessings, my strength to make you stronger as you walk down the route to recovery. IN ADDITION, A SIDE NOTE FOR YOU: Now that you still can talk him, now that you can still see him, just go ahead okie? Enjoy the moment. I know that we all have fears that it would be more difficult for separation if we still hang on. I tried, was there, done it, overcame it too. When he is REALLY GONE, then, you sob about it okie?! That's because, in my opinion, as long as you know you still can contact him, it takes you one more day to forget him. So, it's kinda redundant to me la!!! Hope you get what I mean. AND YOU BETTER STOP TAKING MEDICATION T O INDUCE THOSE SLEEPING SPELLS!

Second, was a death of a friend's brother. It was pretty shocking to hear the news. The first thing that came into my mind was whether that friend of mine is coping well. That's because, thinking through those times we spent smoking outside school for 2 hours with 11 sticks of cigarettes, sharing about troubles, pouring it all out to each other were definitely great. Though I know that we all meet different people, we all have different cliques now, I just want to let you know that my presence outside the library that day still shows that I care for you and I pray for you that you will cope well in handling this. And at any point of time, you wanna jio me out to hisap rokok, I am there okie?! Just call me or IM me! ((:

What memory lane? Well, the service learning trip did help me pretty much in being a better person. (though I can't and I think I will never shoo off the bitchiness and assertiveness in me.) And due to hectic schedules and stuff etc. we all forgot about it. Yes, I admit I forgot Boon Song, Mi-Mi-Lek, Mi-Mi-Ya, Da-tuk, etc. But they just flood back bringing me smiles and made me stop, take a step back and appreciate those littlest things in life. Just like how he treats me this evening, he knows that I was sick, when I slept on his shoulder, the sun rays was so glazing that it pierced into my eyes. He simply sweetly covered those rays so that I can sleep. He screams at me for not going to bed early and he screams at me for sleeping early when I am not well.

Baby, I know I am very very whiny and I get pissed off at the littlest things. Thank you for giving me your outmost patience. As much as I promised you, I will love, remember and be with you forever, I promise. ((: Happy 4th month my dearest baby! (: